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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Giggles and trivia

LIGHTBULB
Q: How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but it takes a surgical team to get it out.

LAUGHTER
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of
condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the
store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again
walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist
asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough,
the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the
assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you
follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant.
"Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house."

HAMMERED
A woman's husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells
at him before going to bed alone. One day she decides to try some
reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's
waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and
gives him a backrub. "It's getting late, big boy," she says after a
few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed?" "We might as well,"
slurs the husband. "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home,
anyway."

WALRUSES
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

BLIND DATE
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't stand another
minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have
a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if
something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he
lowered his eyes, put on a grim _expression and said, "I have some bad
news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied.
"If yours hadn't, mine would have had to."

NEW VEHICLE
A couple had been debating buying a new vehicle for weeks. He wanted a
truck. She wanted a fast little sports car. The couple fought
endlessly about the issue. Everything she liked was out of their price
range. "Look," she said. "I want something that goes from zero to 200
in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up,
so surprise me!" He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a
brand new bathroom scale.

SUBSCRIPTIONS
Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me
subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason."
Cliff says, "Why?" Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to
see places I'll never get to visit."

JUST HALF
A drunk in a bar orders a beer, drinks half, then pours the rest on
his hand. A few minutes later, the guy orders another beer and the
bartender gets a little suspicious. Again, the drunk consumes half and
then pours the rest on his hand. A short while later, the man orders
yet another beer. The bartender finally asks, "Excuse me, sir, but
what the hell are you doing?" The drunk, irritated, replies, "Can't
you see that my date and I are trying to have a drink?"

THREE BOYS
A farmer had three lovely daughters, all who had dates on Friday
night. One by one the local boys came by to pick them up. The first
boy arrived and said: "Hi, I'm Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're going
steady, is she ready?" The farmer called Betty and she and Eddie went
on their way. The second boy arrived and said: "Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here
for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer
called Flo and she and Joe went on their way. The third boy arrived in
an old beat up pickup, came to the door and said: "Hi, I'm Chuck." The
farmer shot him.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
* There are about 180 million cell phone subscribers in the United
States.

* "Endytophilia" is the desire to keep one's clothes on during sex.

* The average U.S. farm has 467 acres. The average Japanese farm has
three acres.

* There are 412 doors in the White House.

* Experts insist bright blue cars and yellow cars are the safest to
drive.

* Oak trees are struck by lightning more than other trees.

* The last word in the Old Testament is "curse."

* According to a recent survey, 85% of streakers keep their shoes on.

* Sweden made besti@lity legal in 1944. (Did that one make it past
your spam filter?)

* One million dollars in $1 bills would weigh 2,040.8 pounds.

* Milk is the official drink of Louisiana.

* There are 18 animals in the popular animal crackers known as
Barnum's Animals.

* There's a town in South Carolina called North.

* Someone who uses as few words as possible when speaking is called
"pauciloquent."

1 Comments:

At November 20, 2005 11:00 AM, Blogger blogdollar3 said...

hi, i am learning about blogs, I started a blog about legal transcription> Pre-Paid Legal Services, Inc. Independent Associate

 

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