A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and tells the clerk
she wants a refund for the Compaq S4020WM she bought because it
The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she
bought it on 'special'.
Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts
screaming! "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager, saying
there was a crazy woman shouting in front of a growing crowd of
customers for him to "PINCH HER NIPPLES!".
The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the hp PC 533w, and he too tells
her that He can't give her a refund because she bought it on
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts
screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY
And in doing so, draws an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why on earth are you
saying that? That's inappropriate!"
In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY
NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was
closed for the night.
They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it
laying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry
at the lack of response and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again,
there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's
haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings,
Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your
leader or Iwill fire!"
The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that!
don't think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the cocky,
young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was
a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the
off his feet and deposited him a burnt, crumpling mess about 200 yards
away in a cactus patch.
About a half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked
dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his
big green head. "What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried
alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"
older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy
friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my
intergalactic travels, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around
twice and then stick it in his ear, you don't want to mess with him!"