Sunday, November 13, 2005

101 Easy Ways To Say No

1 I have to floss my cat.
2 I`ve dedicated my life to linguini.
3 I want to spend more time with my blender.
4 the President said he might drop in.
5 the man on television told me to say tuned.
6 I`ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.
7 I`m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
8 it`s my parakeet`s bowling night.
9 it wouldn`t be fair to the other Beautiful People.
10 I`m building a pig from a kit.
11 I did my own thing and now I`ve got to undo it.
12 I`m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
13 there`s a disturbance in the Force.
14 I`m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
15 I have to go to the post office to see if I`m still wanted.
16 I`m teaching my ferret to yodel.
17 I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
18 I`m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
19 I`m planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
20 my crayons all melted together.
21 I`m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
22 I`m in training to be a household pest.
23 I`m getting my overalls overhauled.
24 my patent is pending.
25 I`m attending the opening of my garage door.
26 I`m sandblasting my oven.
27 I`m worried about my vertical hold.
28 I`m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
29 I`m being deported.
30 the grunion are running.
31 I`ll be looking for a parking space.
32 my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
33 the monsters haven`t turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
34 I`m taking punk totem pole carving.
35 I have to fluff my shower cap.
36 I`m converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
37 I`ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
38 I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
39 my plot to take over the world is thickening.
40 I have to fulfill my potential.
41 I don`t want to leave my comfort zone.
42 it`s too close to the turn of the century.
43 I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
44 my subconscious says no.
45 I`m giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
46 I left my body in my other clothes.
47 the last time I went, I never came back.
48 I`ve got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
49 I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
50 none of my socks match.
51 I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
52 I`m having all my plants neutered.
53 people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
54 I changed the lock on my door and now I can`t get out.
55 I`m making a home movie called "The Thing That Grewin My Refrigerator."
56 I`m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
57 my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
58 I`m touring China with a wok band.
59 my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
60 I never go out on days that end in "Y."
61 my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
62 I`m running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
63 I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands"and I can`t put it down.
64 I`m too old/young for that stuff.
65 I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment myhair.
66 I have too much guilt.
67 there are important world issues that need worrying about.
68 I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
69 I`m uncomfortable when I`m alone or with others.
70 I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
71 I feel a song coming on.
72 I`m trying to be less popular.
73 my bathroom tiles need grouting.
74 I have to bleach my hare.
75 I`m waiting to see if I`m already a winner.
76 I`m writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
77 you know how we psychos are.
78 my favorite commercial is on TV.
79 I have to study for a blood test.
80 I`m going to be old someday.
81 I`ve been traded to Cincinnati.
82 I`m observing National Apathy Week.
83 I have to rotate my crops.
84 my uncle escaped again.
85 I`m up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
86 I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
87 I`m having my baby shoes bronzed.
88 I have to go to court for kitty littering.
89 I`m going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
90 I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
91 having fun gives me prickly heat.
92 I`m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see ifanyone is looking for me.
93 I have to jog my memory.
94 my palm reader advised against it.
95 my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
96 I have to stay home and see if I snore.
97 I prefer to remain an enigma.
98 I think you want the OTHER [your name] .
99 I have to sit up with a sick ant.
100 I`m trying to cut down.
101 ... well, maybe.


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