A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and
five daughters, as well as their spouses, who were all gathered
for a family reunion."Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh. "Why, I'll give amillion dollars to the first person who presents me with a little
one. Now let's say a blessing for this food." He then bowed his
head and prayed.When the old man lifted his head, his wife was the only other one at the table.
1.. Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle1. Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the @#$%? box all day!
2. Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.
3. Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire.
4. That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.
5. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
6. My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
7. Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment.
8. Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.
9. 23 power cords, 1 outlet.1
0. Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
11. When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
12. Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.
. Things That Become Evident When a Baby ArrivesFinally, you have someone you can beat at "Got Your Nose,"at least for a year or so.
You develop a liking for mini vans, sensible shoes, and adeep-seated contempt for Michael Jackson
.You're not so tolerant of strangers asking to touch yourround little belly anymore now that you are just FAT.
Goodbye, Happy Hour---Hello, Happy Meal!!
Junior looks adorable in his little "sandbox," but the catis seriously torqued about it.
For efficiency, your paycheck is now direct-deposited to Disney.
You come to the realization that caca comes in a rainbow oflovely colors.
"How to Buy and Set Up a Computer".Step One: Get Valium-- Dave Barry"
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe whenit's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."-- Wooody Allen
Kmart has introduced its own credit card.Their motto: Don't leave your mobile home without it.-- Jay Leno
Q. There are 10 types of people in the world.
A. Those that know binary and those that don't
Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years until he found a way toovercome this problem. His friends noticed the dramatic change."You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore.""I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.'I haven't had a single problem since.""A thousand a week," said Doug. "How are you going to pay him?""Screw him, that's his problem.
"Q. Why do Italians wear gold chains around their necks?A. So they will know where to stop shaving.
I've really been working out, lately. Soon I'll be able to touch my toes.Well, as soon as my fingernails grow another 24 inches or so...
Q. What do you call a camel with no humps?
Q. How much does a grand piano cost?
The government will be requiring new food labels that are more specific.Products will now be labeled, "no fat", "low fat", "reduced fat " ;and "fat, but with a great personality.
"A baby penguin walks into a bar and says to the bar man,"Have you seen my dad?"The barman says, "What does he look like?"