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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Adult Giggles (R)ated

Quotes From Sports Commentators
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator, "This is Gregoriava fromBulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really alovely horse, I once rode her mother."
Murray Walker, "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
Greg Norman, "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
Alan Minter, "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
Terry Venables, "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"
Ron Atkinson, "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977, "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
Metro Radio, "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: "There goes Juantoren a down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
US TV Commentator, "One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer]is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wifetakes out his balls and kisses them, oh my God, what haveI just said?"

"I'm telling you, Jill, I've never been happier", Linda told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous...handsome,sensitive, caring and considerate."What in the world do you need the second one for?" Jill asked."Oh," Linda replied, "the second one is straight."

"According to the 'Home & Garden' network, some women get more satisfaction from doing housework than from having sex.I understand that. At least when they're doing housework,
they get to finish." - -Jay Leno

1. When the Aleph company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey.It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.

2. Four insurance companies are in competition. One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with,"Coverage from the womb to the tomb."
Not to be out done, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm.
"The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with,"From the erection to the resurrection."

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