Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost awallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a rewardof $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"
---------They arrested a woman for causing an accident while on her cell phone...she was charged with driving while intalksicated
---------In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger.""Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can'tafford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
One Smart Bartender
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then askshim,"What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry,environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, andsexualproclivities. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him,"What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football,Nascar, baseball, super models, favorite fast foods, guns and women's breasts. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think." And the robot says... real slowly...
"So............... ya gonna vote for the Republicans again?"Al Sniffels
"I noticed you always carry my photo in your purse and was wondering why?" a husband asked his wife. - She smiled mischievously and replied, "When there's a problem, nomatter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem always disappears," - The man chuckled. "You see how good I am for you?" he remarked. - "Yes," she said. "I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be that's worse than this one?'"
Two democrat hunters were dragging their dead deerback to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!""Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck...."