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Sunday, December 04, 2005

Giggles (R)ated


Why don't Polish gays like condoms?
They keep slipping off their tongue.

Confucius Says
....... elevator smell different to midget
.... America good place for Chinese restaurant
.... no man is island, but some women are whales
.... he who have last laugh, not get joke
.... man who sleep with old hen, find it better than pullet
.... he who outrun cheetah, f_cking fast on his Feet
.... man trapped in sewer, eat shit and die
.... man who f_ck ugly dog, get howled at
.... all men eat, but Fumanchu
.... he who eat crackers in bed, have crummy sleep.

A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening andland in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs.The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens roaring as they approached the privy."Where's the fire?" called the chief."No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled, 'Shit! Shit! Shit!', who would have rescued me?"

1. Our family took a ski trip, and I was knockedunconscious by the chairlift.I called my insurance company from the hospital,but it refused to cover my injury."Why not?" I complained."You got hit in the head by a chairlift," theinsurance rep said. "That makes you a moron,and we consider that a pre-existing condition."

2. These 2 little boys are sitting in the living room, watchingTV with their parents. The mother looks over at the fatherwith a wink and a nod toward the stairs to the bedroom. Thefather "gets" the message, and they both get up and headtowards the stairs. The mother turns back to the 2 boys andsays, "We're going upstairs for a minute. You two stay hereand watch TV. We'll be right back, Ok?" The two boys nodOK, and the parents take off upstairs.The oldest of the two boys is old enough to know what'sgoing on now, and he gets up and tiptoes upstairs. At thetop of the stairs, he peeks into the room and shakes hishead disapprovingly. Back downstairs he goes,back to hislittle brother."Come with me," he says, and the 2 little boys tiptoe up thestairs. Halfway up, the older brother turns to the youngerbrother and says, "Now I want you to keep in mind, this isthe same woman who used to bust our ass for sucking ourthumb!!!!"

3. A woman dies and goes to heaven. While waiting in line, shehears this terrible screaming and moaning. This disturbs hersomewhat, so she tracks down St. Peter to find out what isgoing on."Oh that" he says, "that's just the woman in front of you.They are drilling holes in her back to attach her wings."The woman is still a bit upset by this and is pondering herposition when the screaming starts again. This time it waslouder and more blood curdling than before. She calls St.Peter again to find out what is happening to the woman now."Oh that" he says, "they're just drilling holes in her headto attach the halo."The woman decides that she wants out and tells St. Peterthat she has changed her mind and wants to be sent to hell."Are you sure you want to go there?" he says. "It's aterrible place, you'll end up getting sodomized and rapedand even worse.""That's okay" says the woman, "I already have the holes for that."

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