Thursday, December 08, 2005

(R)ated Giggle

The San Diego Police Department were investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his11th-story office.His voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for theaction but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since shestarted working for him, a month ago."After my very first week on the job," she said, "I received a $20raise. At the end of the 2nd week he called me into his private office, gave me a lovely black nightie, five pairs of nylon stockings and said,'These are for a beautiful efficient secretary.""At the end of the third week he gave me a fabulous mink stole.Then, this afternoon, he called me into his private office again,presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet and asked me if I couldconsider making love to him and what it would cost.""I told him that I would, and because he had been so nice to me, hecould have it for $5, although I was charging all the other boys in theoffice ten. That's when he jumped out the window."

Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologisttrying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient."Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked."Yeah, sure," she replied, "but not by a doctor!"

~~~~A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to thecouple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? Howdevoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet.Why don't you do that?""I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't knowher well enough."

~~~~~"Mom, I'm pregnant," announced a teen."How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?" asked her mom."That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures andwent with the biggest."
When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied,"I don't know. I never had one."

If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph,what shutter speed would you use?

The American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle"becausehe is so full of sh.. that he can't fly.

The reason it's always so difficult for this president to tell the truth,the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it's usually three different stories. --Sam Donaldson.

If the president could convince every woman in America that the Biblesaysoral sex is not adultery, he'd even have my vote. --Newt Gingrich.

What's wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing.--Kenneth Starr.

The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire Grand Jury. --Monica Lewinsky.

The president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find the real person who had oral sex with the intern. --OJ Simpson.

If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swores he didn't have sex with the president, I'd never get any of my own workdone.--Vernon Jordan.

The president should take up skiing. --Al Gore.
If you're looking for me this week, I'll be in the bunker. --SaddamHussein.
Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door is locked. --George Stephanopoulos.
There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon, it will have a six inch hard drive, but no memory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Gotta Love Those Texans
At a small terminal in the Texas Panhandle, three strangers are awaiting their shuttle flight. One is a Native American passing through from Oklahoma. Another, a local ranch hand on his way to Ft. Worth for a stockshow. The third passenger is an Arab student, newly arrived from the Middle East.To pass the time, they strike up a conversation on recent events, and the discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon the Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout Muslim. The conversation falls into an uneasy lull.The cowpoke leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face while the wind outside blows tumbleweeds and the old windsock flaps. Finally, the Native American clears his throat and softly, he speaks:"Once my people were many, now we are few."The Muslim raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few,"he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"The Texan shifts the toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet."


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