RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM ME

I was sitting here thinking about the MSM being so rabid about bloggers. Funny how they think. I for one do not get paid anything to blog. I enjoy my company and love to argue however there are few folks that will argue with me. When I ask for factual proof they usually wonder off or scream at me. I hate the latter however it proves as a rule they have no clue what they are talking about.
I can never remember the punch line of a joke. So I save them and share them on my blog. I share a lot of me on my blog. However I can remain anonymous here in the blog-o-sphere. "Anonymous" when you have taken the meds. today that I have it increases my imagine. Now back to anonymous the first glance at that word reminds me of an annoying mouse. Which is great being annoying I mean.
The one statement of the MSM that I find absolutely a riot is the pj thing. I just love to hear a good rant about the bloggers in jammies. It is as if they are jealous. Which that train of thought leads to this why don't the MSM just put on jammies and compete with us. It might be easier to take the untruths they tell us everyday if we were focused on their jammies.
Oh well time for another pill.

(PG)ated I think

1. Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car salesman. He had no experience inthis field but he figured he could use the old sales pitch that the car was "like brand-new" and had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays.He tried that approach on every perspective buyer but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made that day.The following day he decided to change his sales pitch and sure enough he sold three cars. The manager of the used car dealership called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales. Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old lady story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by a nymphomaniac who only used the backseat."
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2. An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination where upon the doctor said "You are infine shape for your age, but tell me,do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband,"she said. She went out to the reception roomand said:"Jake do we still have intercourse?"Jake answered impatiently, "If I told you once I told you a thousand times... We have Blue Cross!"
84878327823825784894`891`7837836
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one.The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriages are made in heaven.But so again, are thunder and lightning.
4-71235-460935617890-y01293847=-
3. A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,"Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassedand he slinks back to his table.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do youmean $200?"
1-5147-128903457890123\21=12--

Men

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man?You can enjoy all but the head.
What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man?They are both said to be intelligent, but no one can prove this.
What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man?They both get hot in 15 seconds.
Why are men men and rats rats?Because rats had first choice.
Why can't a man be both handsome and intelligent?Because that would make him a woman.
Why is a man's brain the size of a peanut?Because it is swollen.

Why are batteries better than men?Batteries have at least one positive end.

Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg?Because sperm are male and they refuse to ask for directions.

Why are men like the letter Q?A big zero with a small tail....

Why do women not get married as often these days?Because they would rather have bacon in the fridge than a pig in theliving room.

What is the similarity between a video recorder and a man?They go forwards, backwards, forwards, backwards, stop and eject.

Why is the male intelligence worth more than the female?It is rarer.

Why do men marry virgins?They cannot handle the criticism.


What do you call an attractive intelligent and sensitive man.A rumor.

What do you never want to hear while having good sex?Honey, I am home!

Why don't men go through menopause?They never left puberty.

How do you know that a man is lying?His lips are moving
.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Off the wall Giggles

------------------------------------------------------
Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices something unusual.He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man came oozing out. He said that he was the Genie and he can grant me a wish. And I said, "C'mon, no shit."
--------------------------------
Old Sailor (Pirate) Pick-up Lines
"I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest."
"Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber."
"See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby." "Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?"
"Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare to be boarded."
"I've hidden booty all over the Caribbean -- but never have I seen one like yours!"
"That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!"
"That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there."
"My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure."
"Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest."
--------------------------------
A very respected Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "Why is a camel tied to the barracks?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do ... uh ... they take the camel."The Captain said, "Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn't control his sexual urges any longer. He barked to his Sergeant, "BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!"The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride. "So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?" he asked. The Sergeant replied, "Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town----------------------------------
A guy was standing at a urinal when he noticed that he was being watched by a midget. The little fellow dragged a smallstepladder up next to him, climbed and proceeded to admire his privates. "Wow," commented the midget, "these are the sexiest balls I have ever seen!" Surprised and flattered the man thanked the midget and when he was about to move away the midget said,"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but do you would mind if I touched them." The man was rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says loudly, "Okay, hand over your wallet or i'll jump."
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way....So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This happened in a little town in New Mexico and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's absolutely true:This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark and stormy night. The night was cold and wet and no cars went by. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stopped. The guy, with out thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door, and only then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel!The car starts going again, very slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray and begs for his life.Just before the car hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and turns the wheel. Although not very fast, the car continues to slowly move along.The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared each timethe car approached a curve. Gathering his strength, he jumps out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town.Wet and in shock, he goes into a cantina, asks for two shots of tequila and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through. A silence enveloped everyone when they realized the guy was crying hysterically and wasn't drunk.About a half hour later, two other guys walk into the same cantina and one said to the other, "Mira, Pedro. That's the idiot that got in th ecar while we were pushing it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explorethe city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with thelocals, and have a pint of bitter. After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big,stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms. However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, whosays, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have togo, and I just can't find a public restroom." "Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads the American to aback delivery alley to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the bobby, "whiz away sir, anywhere you like." The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby"That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?" "No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ACLU

ACLU What can we say about this. American Communist league United? This group of morons are running around claiming to protect us. Protect us from what? I don’t need protected from the 10 Commandments or a cross. I need protected from nuts that fly planes into buildings. What the Hell?
The last time I checked a cross or the 10 commandments did me no harm. In fact if I could afford to have the Ten commandments up in lights at my gate entrance I would just to piss off those idiots.
If the idiots that flew the planes into buildings believed what Jesus Christ believed then they would not do what they do best. Kill, themselves. isn’t that a violation of a commandment?
Just sitting here rocking and wondering what the hell?
I don’t need some group of liberal idiots telling me what to believe. I believe as I believe. Hey have I confessed to be a Christ Dom person? Have I said that I am a Christian? Nope I believe in the trinity. I believe in my Native American ways. I believe that I have freedoms based on God my creator. I believe my skin is red because some entity loved me enough to create me that way.
I do not need some group of idiots telling me what I need. If a Christian loves their God so be it. I love my creator and his son. I love that they made me like them.
If a wiccan loves their Goddess Is it the ACU’s job to tell them she don’t exist?
If a Jew loves El Shaddi is it for the ACLU to tell them they are wrong?Just who the hell is the ACLU? Near as I can tell a who lot of nothing.

ACLU: We'll sue if voters approve cross

ACLU: We'll sue if voters approve crossBy: North County Times
REDLANDS -- Voters decide next week if the "City of Churches" should restore the cross to the Redlands seal. When the American Civil Liberties Union threatened a costly lawsuit last year if the cross wasn't eliminated, officials decided the cross must be erased from the city logo. Many residents were outraged and voters will now decide Tuesday if the religious symbol will return.If Measure Q wins, the ACLU will likely go to court.
"This is the first time this has happened, to my knowledge," said ACLU attorney Peter Eliasberg, who tracks crosses on seals statewide. He said it is "highly likely" a lawsuit would be filed against the city if it reinstates the cross.
"The cross is clearly unconstitutional," Eliasberg said. "It sends a message of favor for one religion over others."Last year, the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors voted to take a cross off the county's seal under threat of a lawsuit by the ACLU.Scott Siegel, who led the drive to put Measure Q on Tuesday's ballot, resents that the ACLU forced the city into removing the cross from the city seal."What happens in this type of situation is that the ACLU threatens to sue, then the city capitulates on a cost basis, and the case is never decided on its legal merits," he said. "The ACLU is telling us that it's a foregone conclusion that we're going to lose if a suit is filed. That's just a ridiculous statement."

Rant from the Rocking Chair. (Not Conserative)

Roe V. Wade. You know this occurred in my life time.
What really ticks me off about this. Is men made decisions that affect me and millions of women. Abortion is between me and my creator. Not some Penis that wears a suit and works in the beltway. The very fact that men can dictate to me, what the hell I can and can’t do shows me they think I and millions of women still need their input as to how to take care of ourselves. If these weasels really cared then they would hand each of us 10 million dollars to take care of our children instead of handing it to some third world country to kill each other and wipe the less fortunate from the map. Yea calculate the money we as a nation piss off in forien aid.
In this nation we have handed out enough in entitlements to keep each and every woman in the lap of luxury.
Just who the f@ck makes any man capable of deciding who to give money to. These politicians do not know how it feels to walk in our shoes. They have never been scared or pregnant. They have never had to decided if they were going to eat or feed their child.
Any low life that attends a 1 to 10 k a plate dinner has no business telling me if I can or can’t take care of a baby. They have never known poverty or how it feels to worry about the basic things in life.
I for one chose life over death. That was between me and my God. I determined that when the heart beats there is life. I determined that it was a child not a choice. Not a pompous jackass with a penis. I believe that many women would decide this were the male not in the equations. You see I recall how the male wanted the termination of the life. Yea Granny remembers how the male would have changed the outcome had she not stood against his decision. Its just a little something to think about ladies Roe v. Wade is not a decision that the courts or man should have made. It is a choice that only the mother can make. Once again if you have a thought or passion contact your Reps and make it known.http://www.senate.gov It only takes a sec. Tell them we need Roe v. Wade reversed. Not because we want or don't want abortion. But because a man should not make that decision ever (Unless he can give birth)

slate.com Who Cares the left cares

Hopefully the following will reprint. I personally am tired of the far left dictating to the rest of us. I consider myself in the middle somewhere. Dont' get me wrong I dislike the likes of the Clintons they were fake in the middle. Thats why I dislike them they are not real. I like Zell Miller and Joe Lieberman. I consider them the old Dems. There are many issues the right have that I dislike. However when the likes of Mike Moore Hillary Clinton and the gang try to tell me how to think That pisses me off. I can think for myself and feel I need no help



Hard ReadSam Alito, Mystery Man.By Emily BazelonPosted Friday, Nov. 4, 2005, at 12:14 PM ET


Sussing out SammyIt should be easy to suss out what sort of Supreme Court justice Samuel Alito will be. The man has written hundreds of opinions as an appeals court judge. As the printers whir in senators' offices and newsrooms, he may already be responsible for the death of forests, whatever he eventually rules about national environmental law. The left began sifting through the pile of paper and quickly accused Alito of being a "liberal nightmare," to the right of Scalia in important areas, and "an out of the mainstream opponent of fundamental legal rights and protections for all Americans."
Maybe so. I've read about a dozen of Alito's opinions carefully so far and scanned a dozen more. And I'm ready to sign on to the proposition that Alito would be to the right of Sandra Day O'Connor, whose seat he's taking. But exactly what kind of conservative is he? Will he push the court dramatically to the right in the most currently contested areas of law? Because of his approach to appellate judging, I feel like I need to read a lot more to know.
Federal appeals judges are middle managers. Their boss is the Supreme Court; their underlings are the federal trial courts and—on questions of federal law—the state courts. Inevitably, they spend a fair amount of time reviewing routine legal claims and plowing through tedious trial records. When they get to wield real authority by deciding a question the Supreme Court hasn't, appellate judges have a choice. They can try to push the law in the direction in which they think the Supreme Court should go. Or, based on their bosses' past decisions, they can try to predict how the case would come out if they were to decide to hear it themselves.
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Alito is a predictor. His partial dissent in Planned Parenthood v. Casey—which would have upheld a Pennsylvania law that required wives to tell their husbands if they planned to have an abortion—turned on his reading of which way O'Connor would jump when she faced the question. Alito guessed wrong—but most court-watchers probably did, too, at that time. In 2000, he wrote a cursory opinion ruling that Congress lacked the power to impose the Family Medical Leave Act on state employers. The case seemed easy because at the time few judges thought the Supreme Court would halt its march toward state sovereign immunity for the FMLA. No judge likes to be overturned on appeal; predictors are especially keen on being upheld. Alito's efforts to divine the justices' likely views don't explain away the conservative results he often reaches. But it makes it harder to be sure that he'd reach the same result if he no longer had a boss to answer to.
More telling, perhaps, is Alito's predilection for qualifying his conclusions. Unlike O'Connor, he doesn't frame his opinions so they only apply to a single set of facts. Still, he is a narrow-caster. As the lone dissenter in a 1996 decision in which his court (the 3rd Circuit) set an important standard for the evidence a plaintiff must put on to prove race discrimination, Alito said the majority's rule was "usually" right—just "not always." In a 2001 opinion dismissing a challenge to a town's Christmas display on the ground that the plaintiffs lacked standing to sue, he invited them back "to challenge any future display that plaintiffs believe violates constitutional principles." In United States v. Rybar, Alito parted company with the other two judges on the panel, as well as with most of the other appeals courts, to be a standard-bearer for the Supreme Court's effort to cut back on Congress' power to pass laws based on its powers to regulate commerce between the states. But then he offered Congress two straightforward ways to save the law he wanted to knock down (a statute prohibiting the transfer or possession of a machine gun). "These steps are not too much to demand to protect our system of constitutional federalism," he intoned.
In a thoughtful piece in the New Republic this week (sorry, subscription only), Andrew Siegel argues that Alito's polite, reasonable approach is his biggest weapon. Unlike the flamethrowing Antonin Scalia, he would be a justice "with the skill to craft opinions that make radical results appear inevitable." The nightmare scenario for the left is this: Alito doesn't help overturn the big Warren Court precedents that are household names—Roe, Brown, Miranda. Instead, he and Chief Justice John Roberts merrily and cleverly chip away at those precedents, eroding them beyond recognition without provoking a backlash against Republican electoral candidates. Meanwhile, they take a series of small steps to the right in areas of law that remain relatively open. After a decade or two—which they will presumably have—it would become extremely difficult to walk the court back. Rybar is especially troubling in this regard, because it signals that Alito would be game to rein in Congress in ways the Supreme Court hasn't yet attempted—for example, by scuttling the Endangered Species Act so developers can bulldoze the habitats of small furry and scaly animals.
That scenario is entirely plausible. And for liberals deciding how vigorously to oppose Alito, plausible may be enough. Still, I'm going to read more of Alito's opinions. I'll try to be systematic and go through them one area of law at a time. I'll report back when the judge and I have killed some more trees together.
Emily Bazelon is a Slate senior editor.

I love Murphy (MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK)

MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK

Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.

'Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop
errors in the mail.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time,but there is always enough time to do it over.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.

If you are really good, you will get out of it.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional

to the number of pens that person is carrying.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

(X)ated giggles. Please do not share with Children

Sex is like a Chinese dinner; it ain't over 'till you bothget your cookies.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOVER THE EDGEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A guy goes to see his doctor to get his test results."Well Mr Jones, I have some good news & some bad news for you.The good news is that you have only 24hrs to live."Thats good news?" wails Jones, "What the fuck is the bad news?"The Doctor gives a sheepish grin and says, "I should have told you yesterday!!!"XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOVER THE EDGE
OVER THE EDGEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXA very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meetsa wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off herpants and her panties.He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"She says, "It's me lower mouth."He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'" She says,"Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a moustache... It's got lips..."He asks, "Has it got a tongue in it?"She says, "Not yet."XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX OVER THE EDGE CARTOON XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Olga and Olie were applying for a wedding license and were answering questions asked by the clerk. "Olga, how old are you?"Olga answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."Next the clerk asked, "Olga, how tall are you?"Responding, Olga stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall." "And how much do you weigh, Olga?" was the next question."I weigh yust about 185 pounds.""Wow", exclaimed the clerk. "You're big enough to play with the Green Bay Packers!!" "Oh no," answered Olga. "I yust play with Olie's packer."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOVER THE
Thought fur the Day: Few men look trustworthy with their pants down around their ankles!!!!! ==========================================================

Short Giggles (R)ated Again

"Because there may be future cutbacks in benefits," the man told his wife, "I stopped by Social Security today to check out my situation. They'd misplaced my file, but I convinced them I was old enough to qualify for retirement in the near future by unbuttoning my shirt and displaying the white hair on my chest.""You're a blundering fool!" snarled his wife. "If only you'd thought todrop your pants and shorts, you could have qualified for immediate disability
!"***************************************************"I I never slept with a man until I married your father," declared the stern mother to her wild young daughter. "Will you be able to say the same thing to your daughter?""Yes," replied the girl, "but not with such a straight face."
**************************************
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why do blonde nurses carry a red Magic Marker?
A. In case they have to draw blood.
Q. Why do blondes get confused in the bathroom?
A. They have to pull their own pants down.
Q. What is the definition of Blood, Sweat and Tears?
A. A blonde standing in front of a tampon machine with a bent quarter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(R)ated and Not P.C.

Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: Michael Jackson slumber party.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

You can tell when a person is well informed: their views are pretty much like your own.

If you laid every woman of earth end to end... you'd probably have a really sore penis.

An orgasm is a gland finale

Q. What's the difference between a woman that's had a child and a woman who hasn't?
A. One has a has a tiny tot, and one has a tiny twat.

A man was admitted to the hospital suffering from premature ejaculation.The doctors said it was touch and go.

Q: Why can't you get a good blow job in Cuba?A: Because all the cocksuckers are over here in Miami!

Q: What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
A: He drowns!

Q: How does Cuba train their swimmers for the Olympics?
A: They put up a sign at the end of the pool that says, 'United States Border'!

What can I say?????????? 

Oh Nancy who would have thought that you would need votes this badly  

(Rated) again

On their last vacation, John and Marsha saved some money by staying anightin a very cheap hotel. Just as they were falling asleep, they heard thesounds of creaky mattress springs and a banging headboard from the nextroom.At first they were amused by the amorous couple. After five minutes ithadlost its charm. After ten minutes they were more than a little annoyed.After fifteen minutes, they were just plain ticked off, as it waskeepingthem awake. After half an hour they were incensed!After an hour they had to admit - they were pretty damned impressed.@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Poem
Dear Dad, you are getting quite old;Your assets, I think, should be soldAnd given to meSo that you can be freeTo live out those years they call gold.""Dear son, there's no reason to fret;I haven't got Alzheimer's yet;I'll do it my way,'Till it's all pissed away;Not one nickel or dime will you get!"

Off Colored and Off the Wall (R)ated again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things aregreat and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I havean older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realised he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang,bang'.Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,what do you think of that?" asked the doctor. The 80-year-old said, "Ifyou ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."The doctor replied, "My point exactly".~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Mexican family crosses over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold.But the husband can find no work. His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray:"Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family..." Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens hiseyes, a large wheel of cheddar cheese rolls down the hill and lands at his feet!"Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos."But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and otherthings?" she inquires. "No,"the husband says, "Jesus sent this to mewith a message...As I ran home, I kept hearing Him yell, ' THAT'S NACHO CHEESE! THAT'SNACHO CHEESE!'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do you get when you cross a girl with braces with a power tool?A.
A Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker.

If a ram is a ram, and an ass is an ass, how come a ram in the ass is agoose?"
Times have sure changed. Yesterday a bum asked me if I could spare$2.75 for a double cappuccino with no foam." -Bill JonesMary:

I see no reason to "celebrate" birthdays. I'm not glad about getting older.Jill: Yeah, know what you mean.Mary:
Not so long ago, I was young and hip; now I'mcloser to a hip REPLACEMENT!

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

Groaner:Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it.

"Q. What's the difference between a woman that's had a child and a women who hasn't?
A. One has a has a tiny tot, and one has a tiny twat.

"I don't know why, but I've always found it difficult to make friends.Know what I mean, Dickhead?"

I have got to find my Happy place Again

This is really hard to find my happy place again. I have been home with the creeping crud all week and have discovered that the conserative talk show folks are right. The Government and the left are taking controll and stealing our rights as fast as they can grab them.
So Now lets find some giggles and have some fun.

BRAIN CRAMPS

BRAIN CRAMPS

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

FREE SPEECH AND FREEDOM OF KNOWLEDGE ALERT!!!

*****War Cry for Freedom of Speech.***** They are going after us again. Its time to stand up write call and scream at our Reps.. They need to leave our rights alone!!!!!!! The link to emailing or snail mailing them is http://www.senate.gov/

I for one am sick of the stinking rats on both sides jackasses & elephantasses giving into hollywood and the almighty buck. We need less laws and more freedoms!!!!!


(The following is given full credit. to http://www.eff.org/)

* Action Alert: Horror Triple Bill for Digital Technology This Thursday, the heads of the MPAA and RIAA presented to the House Subcommittee on the Courts, the Internet, and Intellectual Property their plans for the future of digital technology. They gave the House drafts of three bills they would like passed: the Analog Content Protection Act, the HD Radio Content Protection Act, and the Broadcast Flag Authorization Act. These proposed laws are truly a horror triple bill.For high-definition television (HDTV), the MPAA demands everyreceiver must have, and obey, their broadcast flag. For new radio technologies, the RIAA will restrict you to recording radio shows for a minimum of 30 minutes, for a maximum of 50 hours. And all analog to digital video conversions will be forced to watch for, and obey, a concealed signal, refusing to digitize any image that contains a key watermark.If any one of these provisions passes, it would be disaster for you and for innovation.Visit our Action Center, and warn your representative of whatHollywood's horror bills would do to the digital future!
<http://action.eff.org/site/Advocacy?id=181>More info:EFF Analysis: Halloween on the hill
<The">http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/archives/004106.php#004106>The MPAA's Analog Hole Bill:
<http://www.eff.org/IP/Video/analog_hole_discussion_draft.pdf>The RIAA's HD Radio Bill:
<http://action.eff.org/site/DocServer/Analog_Hole_Discussion_Draft.pdf?docID=281>The Broadcast Flag Bill:<http://action.eff.org/site/DocServer/Broadcast_Flag_Discussion_Draft.pdf?docID=321>

Adult Giggles (R)ated

1. There was an Indian, a caveman, and a cowboy. One daythey ran out of food and decided to go hunting. The Indianwent out and got a bear, and the caveman and the cowboy said,"How did you get that?" He said, "Me find tracks me followtracks me get bear". So the next day the cowboy went out andgot a deer, and the caveman said, "How did you get that?"He replied, "Me find tracks me follow tracks me get deer".The next day the caveman arrived back from his hunt allbloody and disfigured. The Indian and cowboy said,"How did that happen?" And the caveman replied,"Me find tracks, me follow tracks, me get hit by train".
2. There's a whorehouse on top of a mountain.There's a man on the way up the mountain, a man in thewhorehouse, and a man coming down the mountain.What were their nationalities??The man going up the mountain was a Russian, the man in thewhorehouse was Himalayan, and the man coming down themountain was Finnish!
3.Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
4.A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A little off the wall humor

Men and women have two distinct views about a wedding. The husband tobe wakes up in the morning, plays a round of golf and counts theminutes until he has to be at the altar. The wife to be, on the otherhand, wakes up in the morning and is panicking. She immediately beginsto organize things, making sure everything is in proper order. In hermind she is repeating what she has to do. "All I have to do is go downthe aisle, get to the altar, and marry him." She repeats this over andover again, until she begins to shorten it to three words which shecontinues to repeat... "Aisle, altar, him." "Aisle, altar, him.""Aisle, altar, him."Now say it fast for 5 seconds

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~An Australian entered a bar and stood beside aScotsman. "Where are you from, pal?" asked theScotsman, after they had chatted for a while."I'm from the finest country in the whole wideworld." Said the Australian."Are you?" said the other, "you have a damnfunny accent for a Scotsman."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyone with Links

Anyone with links that are better than http://www.blogrolling.com Or http://www.feedblitz.com/about.htm please drop me a note. I am still collecting tools to work on my blog. I like to tinker with things. Especially when its not going to cost me money to fix it.

***NEW STUFF ADDED HERE ***

http://www.feedblitz.com/
I have added a couple of new features here on my site. They are kinda cool. I think anyway. Just cause I figured out how to stick them on my blog. WooHooo. Thats the coolest part. Now if I could just recover my fonts and colors. I would be in redneck heavan here.
Oh and I can annoy my daughter on the net now. Thats the greatest part of this www.feedblitz.com

40 Things That Only Happen In Movies

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.
27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).
30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

YOUR NAME UP IN GOOGLE LIGHTS

This is cool and you can find yourself if you blog.

YOUR NAME UP IN GOOGLE LIGHTS
http://www.logogle.com/

Chuckles (R) rated

A guy took a blonde out on a date.
Eventually they ended up parked at a "lovers point" where
they started making out. After things started getting
pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her
"Do you want to go in the back seat?"
"NO!" she answered.
Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. The windows are
steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again,
"Do you want to go in the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he demands "Well, why not!"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"
**********************************************
Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a
beautiful woman passes them. She's 5' 9", 120 lbs,
38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines!!!

The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and
in a breathless whisper says, "It's women like her that
sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!!"
************************************************
My mother taught me about ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every
table had an argument going." -- George Carlin
*************************************************

WOMEN'S 50 or so RULES FOR MEN (R)ated

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.
4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."
5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
16. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
20. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
21. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
25. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
27 If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
34. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
35. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
36. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch:"Thanks." On the other side:"Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."
40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
50. All men would still really like to own a train set.

How To Tell If She's Got PMS

1. She retains more water than Lake Superior.
2. She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.
3. She buys me a new T-shirt with a "bulls eye" on the front.
4. She stops reading Cosmo and starts reading Guns and Ammo.
5. She's suddenly developed a new talent for spinning her head around
in 360 degree circles.
6. She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her
semi-automatic and "chambers a round."
7. She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof
laughing hysterically while riding her broom.
8. She buys $100 worth of chocolate and justifies it by saying "But
honey, I just know it's one of the major food groups."
9. When I ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she
says, "All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
EVERYTHING?"
10. She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken
McNuggets,
and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet
Caffine-free Coke

COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER

http://severeblock.blogspot.com/2005/11/house-votes-no-on-internet-free-speech.html

The above site is a blog that talks about our politcians once again being stupid and trying to take our rights of free speech away. Once again I urge folks to email call or write those pompus jackasses and elephantass to listen to us the voters. http://www.senate.gov/

What does the Rest of the World See when they look At Us

Some days I am so ashamed to be affilated with the democratic party. I have one democrat left that I admire. Zell Miller is the only democrat left in our party. I am still ponding how some nut like Howard Dean could be moved to the head of the class. Can no one but me see he is poison for our party? The following is such a shame. I have not a megaphone to shout out that I hate that this party is perverted and stolen by nuts. I alas only have me wee blog. How oh how has this happened.

http://www.washtimes.com/national/20051103-121638-6892r.htm
Democrats yesterday escalated their fiery attacks on President Bush's rationale for going to war by tying his decision to the indictment of a top administration aide in an aggressive political strategy that has energized the party's anti-war activist base.
The day after Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada forced the Senate into a rare closed-door session to debate whether Mr. Bush manipulated intelligence information about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq as a pretext for war, he and other Democratic leaders stepped up their rhetoric and demands in a bid to drive the issue back into the news.
Howard Dean, the Democratic National Committee chairman, whose ill-fated 2004 presidential campaign was fueled by opposition to the war, called on the White House and Vice President Dick Cheney to "answer questions about their roles in manipulating intelligence information to build support for the war, smearing opponents of the war and covering up that smear campaign."
House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi of California and Mr. Reid also sent Mr. Bush a letter asking him to apologize for the actions by Mr. Cheney's chief of staff, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby and any other officials who may have been involved in the CIA leak investigation.
That investigation led to Mr. Libby's indictment for purportedly lying to the FBI and the grand jury. Mr. Libby said he is innocent of all the charges.
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist returned fire yesterday, charging that Mr. Reid's tactical Senate ambush was "a political stunt that took us off what we need to be doing" about energy prices, deficit reduction and the economy.
"This was a political stunt from the party of 'no' that says obstruct, filibuster, which they've said in the past, and it's a vacuum of ideas that's reflected" within their party, Mr. Frist, Tennessee Republican, said on Fox News.
A Democratic national security strategist said the practical effect of Tuesday's Senate maneuver could backfire and "drag down the Democrats even more than it drags down the Republicans."
Michael O'Hanlon, a Brookings Institution defense analyst who advises Democrats on national-security issues, said it was legitimate for the Democrats "to raise the broader context" of the special prosecutor's indictment in the CIA leak investigation. "But it remains dangerous for any opposition party to focus on scandals by the governing party. ... Reminding voters what Republicans may have done wrong will not reach the level of getting the Democrats into the game."
Fueling Mr. Reid's surprise decision for the closed session to debate Mr. Bush's war rationale was his party's large, vocal anti-war base, which is increasingly playing a dominant role in shaping the Democrats' critical posture against the war in Iraq.
"I have been waiting for this day for five years. The Democrats have found their voice, and maybe they won't lose it again," said Kenneth Lerer, co-founder with liberal activist Arianna Huffington of huffingtonpost.com. "Finally, they have said enough."
The left-wing Web site Daily Kos (www.dailykos.com) said Mr. Reid's move was "worthy of a Wild West gunfight. ... This move was pure political brilliance."


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Today's War Cry

Blogs of note today. Simply cut and paste the addresses to your browser if you want to read them.

http://counterterror.typepad.com/the_counterterrorism_blog/2005/11/senate_judiciar.html

http://telchaination.blogspot.com/

http://www.jihadwatch.org/dhimmiwatch/archives/008815.php

http://kennethk.timeimmortal.net/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=27

A young boy

A young boy of four was going into hospital to
have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate,
"I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery."

On the day he was admitted his mother asked
if the doctor could also circumcise the boy while
he was asleep.

The doctor agreed. The boy woke up and was
very sore down there for several days.

After about a week he got to see his playmate
again. The playmate informed him that he was
also going to have to have his tonsils out soon.
He asked him to tell him about the surgery.

The little boy replied, "All I can tell you is your
tonsils ain't where you think they are."

The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA

The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are
the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch
it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of
extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
Then the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the
forest, killing everything in it including the rabbit, and they make no
apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly
beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling, "Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit."

Gotta have some Giggles Read On

As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as
the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for months, found
the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc. The problem
was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified "No dogs." Rather than go
on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not tell the landlord about
his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for months. Except for one
thing. The family that lived downstairs had a rabbit that they kept in
a cage in the garden area. One day, the father of the family walked into
the garden to find the dog scratching at the cage, trying to get at the
rabbit.
He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord
threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive and
punctual with rent checks convinced the landlord to keep him and his
dog on the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden area.
Months went by with no incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed home
sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let the
dog out. Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn't in
the house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog.
Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to
face certain eviction and possible jail time, he took matters into his
own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its hair (OK, he was desperate)
and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage. Natural causes,
right?
Nothing happened. After an excruciating week, he finally approached his
neighbor one morning on the way to work. "How is everything?" asked
Chuck. We're moving" replied the man. "This is a sick neighborhood."
"Why? What happened?" replied Chuck. The neighbor replied, "Some sick person dug up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it back in its cage."

Hebonics as a valid language

NEW YORK, February 1 -
The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish
English - now dubbed Hebonics - as a second language. Backers of
the move say the city's School District is the first in the state
to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant
attribute of New York culture.

According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York
University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure
of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language
patterns, as well as Yiddish.

Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any
question is usually another question plus a complaint that is
implied or stated.

Thus:
"How are you?" may be answered,
"How should I be, with my feet?"

Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for
expressing sarcasm or skepticism.

An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or "shm" at the
beginning:
"Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?"

Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to
the end, with its pronoun at the beginning:
"It's beautiful, that dress."

Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end
of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as:
"He's slow as a turtle," could be:
"Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks."

Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook,
Switched-On-Hebonics.

Question: "What time is it?"
English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"

Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."
English response: "Thanks."
Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"

Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready."
English response: "Be right there."
Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the
'hurry' business? Is there a fire?"

Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time."
English response: "Glad you like it."
Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the
other ties I gave you?

Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."
English response: "Congratulations!"
Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds."

Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"
English answer: "Just say when."
Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?"

To guest of honor at his birthday party:
English remark: "Happy birthday."
Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."

Remark: "A beautiful day."
English response: "Sure is."
Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"

Answering a phone call from son:
English remark: "It's been a long time since you called."
Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

State Mottos

STATE MOTTOS

Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less character
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But
Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, Maybe Not.
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism
Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and
Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Poker!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an
Attorney...
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!
Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan
Oklahoma: Like the Play, only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I speak English)
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese
Wyoming: Wynot?

Just In Case Someone Missed It

I blog to have fun and not stroke out. Anyone under 14 is not invited to my blog. Becasue I consider them to young for my jokes. I have set this yard stick for me. I have kids and grandkids. The young ones are not allowed to share my blog. I am not politically correct nor do I care.
I write my thoughts and share jokes that I find. Most of my jokes are from friends. If I know the owner of the joke or photo I will tell you other wise they are from unknown folks.
I have walked in a long hard walk and have become insensitive to most of the world around me. Anyone that wants to know why just ask. Other wise enjoy or move along.
The attached picture is a reason I don't have to be pc my grandson and son. One is black and one is Mexican. Both I love with all my heart.
Redneck Garanny

My Blog my thoughts

I sent email letters to 50 plus senators and congress with my opinion and to my surprise I received about 8 replies. More than I expected. I love to annoy my representatives with my thoughts. Thank God I live here in the fly over red state of Oklahoma and can voice my opinion without the worry of someone silencing me at least for now. Anyway anyone out there that wants to annoy or voice an opinion to those in the halls of Congress or the Senate heres a quick link. http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm
The following is my letter to both sides. By the way the republicans actually respond. The democrats ignore me or. try to pacify me.
Oh yea and I annoy the talk show host through emails.

Senator,



I have closely followed the Dems. for the last several years and sadly I have come to the conclusion that everyone in the beltway with a D following their name is either pacifying the far left or so far out there that they haven’t a clue what we the base expects, wants or needs. I am a registered Democrat and I am pissed over the way the ones representing me are handling the job. We are at war. A war that was brought to us. I do not freaking care how we do it I want us to win. This is not Viet Nam. I don’t want my representatives rolling over screaming and shouting it is unjust. I watch my fellow country men jump to their deaths because we were attacked. Or have you forgotten?

Contrary to what you and your cohorts seem to think there are those of us that are Democrats that vehemently disagree with your tactics and plans for this country. I do not know one single person that has forgotten the attacks of September 11, 2001. We the voting populous know that that the terrorist do not care if we have a D or a R beside our name. The bottom line they want to destroy our way of life. Perhaps you do not realize this is also your way of life Kerry’s way of life Kennedy’s way of life Clinton’s way of life. They do not care if we are democratic, federalist or communist. They wish to take this world back several hundred years. There is no politically correct way of saying they want us dead because we do not follow their God.

Why are you playing politics with our lives. You want to go after Bush find another way to do it. I am sure if you would poll your true base you would find that many of us are on a different page and have many other ideas of what is wrong with his administration. The war isn’t it. At this point, between you and your friends trying to get us all killed. Or Bush standing between us and those thugs I got to take Bush.

The Democrat representatives run around acting like they have lost their minds shouting that Bush lied Bush lied. The TRUTH is you can not prove it because he didn’t do that. What he has done that you can gripe about is. He has handed over more entitlement programs that our kids and grandkids will have to pay for. The TRUTH is that the true democrats are not for handing out with out receiving something in return. However, the modern Democrat has forgotten that. The TRUTH is none of you actually follow the money you toss out. The TRUTH is both parties take advantage of taxpayers. The TRUTH is I have no respect for all of the whining and crying the democrats are doing suck it up and go back to work.

A Voting Democrat

NOT P.C. HERE

Due to hurricane Katrina, the floodwaters came up about 6 feet into
most of the homes. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her
neighbor, Mrs.Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come.
Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap floating near the house. Then
she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house;
it kept floating away from the house, then back towards house. Her curiosity
got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do you see dat dere
baseball cap a floatin' away from the house, den back again?"
Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dat my husband; I tole dat coonass he
gonna cut da grass today come hell or high water.

Life's Tricks

One day poor old Lena decided she didn't want to be in this world any
longer. She resolved to commit suicide. She figured the best way was to
shoot herself in the heart...but she didn't know just where her heart
was. She called a doctor for the information.
The doctor said that usually on a women, the heart is located about
four inches below the left nipple.
Lena followed the directions perfectly and was therefore very surprised
to regain consciousness in a hospital.
"I should be dead!" she wailed.
"Don't worry, lady," the orderly answered, "your knee will mend before
you know it!"

Shorts / Giggles

What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde? (You
get to park in the Handicapped Zone )

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a
halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford
Escort.

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? (Frosted
flakes.)

How did the blonde die drinking milk? (The cow stepped on her.)

How did the blonde burn her nose?
(Bobbing for French fries.)

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Q: Did you hear the joke about the football game
with the 0-0 score?
A: Never mind - it was pointless.

Pairs???
If your second doctor has a different opinion, does that
make a paradox?

Are two dice a paradise?

Do two normal people make one paranormal
If Life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then when Life
isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll teach him.

Odd and just down right wierd sites to visit

http://www.eathufu.com/faq.asp

HUMANS & PETS, love/lust relationships

Sometimes funny...
http://iguana-art.de/flash/funny/index.htm

Sometimes creepy...
http://iguana-art.de/flash/close.up/index.htm
BABIES in EGGS. COLLECT THE ENTIRE SET

It's not creepy if you love the feeling
it gives you.
http://www3.telus.net/camilleallen/camilleallen/id9.htm

MY EYES ADORED YOU.
Even from the grave while cold and dead
MY EYES ADORED YOU.

http://www.arseiam.com/fx/08.htm

Response to Plastic Surgery

I was sitting here recovering from some sort of creeping crud that has pretty much knocked the wind out of my sails. After several days of laying around a granny gets stiff and achy so I decided to see what is going on in the world. I have a response here on my blog from someone that said his wife is wanting plastic surgery that is frightening to me.
The way I see it. How can you prefect what our creator took the time from the beginning to prefect. The face that your family loves. The face, that were they blind they could still see. The face that has the beauty from years of living experiencing life loving?
How can one prefect the bosom that held closest those that she loves? Our bodies are our own and its up to each of us what we do with them. Life gently changes our features from a spirited child to a youthful parent to a mature individual.
This is not saying that many respect what the Creator has created. Its just a view from the rocking chair.
I remember that as a small child I looked towards my grandparents for comfort laughter and many other things. I would not have changed one single thing about them. Not the lines around the eyes. Not the wisdom that put those lines there.
I guess I am not a candidate for plastic surgery myself. To each their own.

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood !

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? !
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile