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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Droctors and others (r)ated



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We have a young couple in the neighborhood who are truly inseparable. Last week, it took four Howard County Policemen and a dog to separate the two of them.
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A man goes to his doctor and says. " Doc, I have a problem. My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all." The doctor says "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for a man of your age. I will give them to you on the condition you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out." The man says "You have a deal, Doc." Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks "What happened"? The man answered "Nobody showed up!"
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Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis. And, to her joy, everything got much better. However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking; the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him. There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique, "She's not my wife... She's not my wife...She's not my wife..."
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Ain't It The Truth Most people deserve each other. All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken. The one who snores will fall asleep first. The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding. The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good and apropos as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse. Never get overly excited about a man/woman by just the way they look from behind. If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need. The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with. Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.
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The best way to keep one's word is not to give it...Napoleon (1769-1821)
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died...Erma Bombeck
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A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."
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Q: What's the difference between a newspaper and a TV?
A: Have you ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?

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