Giggles Links and Whatnot.......
Links to check out...
Little Johnny said to Suzi, "We're going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I've gotten three tickets for the big game." "Why do we need three?" asked Suzi. Little Johnny gave her an evil grin and said, "They're for your Father, Mother and kid sister!"
Once upon a time, a Sultan was blessed with the birth of a son after years of hoping. The boy immediately became the apple of his father's eye. Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan said to him, "Son, I love you very much. Your birthday is coming soon. What would you like?" His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane." His father bought him American Airlines. Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you are my pride and joy. Ask what you want for your birthday. Whatever it is, it's yours." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat." His father bought him the Princess Cruise Line. Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons." His father bought him Disney Studios. Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you are my life. Your birthday is coming soon. Ask what you wish. I will get it for you." His son, who had grown to love Disney, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit and a Goofy outfit" His father bought him the Democratic Party and CBS news.
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, after one year we will have absorbed 1 kilo of the Escherichia coli bacteria usually found in feces. In other words, we will have consumed 1 liter of shit. However, we don't run that risk when we drink beer, whiskey, rum or other liquors because the creation of alcohol involves a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting. It is my duty to communicate to all of you who are drinking water to stop doing so as it has been scientifically proven that it is unhealthy and therefore bad for you. Water = Shit Alcohol = Health Free yourself of shit, drink alcohol!!! It's better to drink alcohol and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit!
A researcher is doing a study on the sexual habits of trailer park denizens in Alabama. He finds one family with 12 kids, and decides to ask the mother some questions. "Ma'am," he asks, "Don't take this the wrong way, but do you know anything about contraceptives?" "What the hell're yu a talkin' bout?" is her dumbfounded reply. "Okay, well, for instance... what do you and your husband use when you're having sex? Do you use condoms? A diaphragm? IUD?" "Nah," she replies. "We get along fine just a usin' my ol'man's dick!"
At work, our manager was trying to demonstrate a project on his computer to four women in our provider relations department. He was having problems with the computer, so the ladies went back to their office until he could get the program pulled up. I was not aware of any of this, so I was a little shocked when I walked in the office door, and heard one of the ladies shouting down the hallway, "Hurry up girls and get in here, Al finally got it up!".
A young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South
Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his
patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What
shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply:
'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.'
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading
an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the
same subway car noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he
approached the newspaper reader: "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why
are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied: "I used to read
the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,
Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and
intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So, I switched to the Arab
newspaper. "Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control
the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The
news is so much better!"
An elephant walked into a bar and ordered a martini. The place was
empty except for him and a lovely young female elephant at the other
end of the bar. "Joe," he said to the bartender, "put another martini
in front of me, then put another in front of each empty stool between
me and the doll." "Sure," said the bartender, "whatever you say." The
elephant watched happily until the bartender was finished. Then he
threw down his martini, moved to the next stool, drank the martini,
shot to the next stool and gulped that one, shot to the next
stool ... "Hey elephant, what's going on?" Joe yelled. "Can't you
see?" replied the elephant, "I'm going down to the she in sips!"