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Saturday, March 18, 2006

A Rainy day Mess

I post links of interest to me or that I think one of the folks looking at my blog might like. Most of the time they are fun or educational. Generally I don't tell what it is. I love to give surprises. If it is an adult type link I will warn you ahead of time.
I hope everyone that looks at them has fun with them. All that being said often times I email the owner of the site if I find an addy and let them know. I rarely ever hear back from them so I assume it is ok to post their link.


Links
http://police101.com/
http://www.toptown.com/hp/66/Cash.htm
http://www.superstitionmountainmuseum.org/LostDutchmanExhibit.htm
http://www.twbc.org/wd40.htm
http://home.att.net/~scorh/GoodMorning.html



A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Paddy was shaving when he knocked the mirror off the shelf and it fell to the floor and it cracked across the middle. Paddy gazed in horror. 'Bejabbers, I've cut my throat,' he gasped.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ah, good morning, Mrs. Murphy, and how is everything?" "Sure and I'm having a great time of it between my husband and the fire. If I keep my eye on the one, the other is sure to go out."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, "Where are we now?" The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's a big place," said Murphy. The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for Texas!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kids.....
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again.
"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Where I used to work, we had a jar full of candy bars to give to children while their parents were filling out necessary paper work. After I was given permission by the mother to offer one to her daughter, I held the dish down for her to make her choice. After choosing, her mother gave her a stern look and asked, "What do you say to the nice lady?" The little girl then looked sweetly at me and said, "May I please have two?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed. The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients." The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want." The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me." The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After her son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated mother sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, she heard a commotion in the back yard and called out, "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "Ah.....no, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The proprietor of a small village drugstore was called out one sleepy summer morning, leaving the establishment temporarily under the sole management of a very young, and very uneducated, clerk. "Just answer the phone if it rings, Jim," instructed the proprietor. The phone rang. "Hello," said the clerk. "Do you have streptomycin and aureomycin?" asked a voice at the other end. The clerk scratched his head, then said, "Ma'am, when I said 'Hello' I told you everything I know!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It seems a man was looking for a bank and stopped to ask directions. The man he asked replied "Just drive down this road about 5 miles and then turn left at the Stop n Go." He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7. At about 10 miles down he stopped for directions again. The man he asked replied "Just go back down this road about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go" He headed out again but still had no luck. When he got back to where he had started he stopped again. When he ask for directions the answer was exactly the same. This time Jim asked "Could you describe the Stop n Go for me?" The man gave him a funny look and said "It's on a pole. It's got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom...."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

1 Comments:

At March 20, 2006 12:38 PM, Blogger Assorted Babble by Suzie said...

I didn't read your post...but I sure did laugh at the picture. (LOL)

 

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