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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Tues evening mix


Computer Women
SERVER woman: She's always busy when you need her.
WINDOWS woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but none can live without her.
POWERPOINT woman: Only Bill Gates has the will to use her more than half an hour.
EXCEL woman: They say she can do a lot of things, but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
WORD woman: She always has a surprise reserved for you, but no one in the world is able to fully understand her.
DOS woman: Everyone has had her at least once, but no one wants her anymore.
BACKUP woman: You have always believed that she has everything you need, but when "X-hour" comes, you find out that she has missed something.
VIRUS woman: Also known as "wife"; when you are not expecting her to, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, but if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
SCANDISK woman: You know that she is good and that she only wants to help you, but you never know what she is really doing that for.
SCREENSAVER woman: She is not worth anything, but at least she's fun! RAM woman: She forgets everything you say when you disconnect her.
HARD-DISK woman: She remembers everything....
FOREVER. MULTIMEDIA woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
MICROSOFT woman: She wants to have domination over all the men she meets, and she tries to convince them that this is the best thing for them. She will do the best she can to make you fight against other women, and she promises you that you will have everything you want if you will give her your address book. Before you figure it out, she will be the only one in your life ... it will even come to the day when you will need her permission to open your refrigerator or start your car.
PASSWORD woman: You think you're the only one who knows her, but in reality all the world does....
MP3 woman: Everybody wants to take her...
USER woman: She screws up everything she does, and she always asks for more than she needs.
CPU woman: From outside, she looks like she has everything, but on the inside she is empty...
MONITOR woman: She makes life look better and brighter.
CD-ROM woman: She's always going faster and faster.
DATAWAREHOUSING woman: She keeps you informed of everything, except what you really want to know.
E-MAIL woman: Out of every ten things she says, eight are bullshit.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Q: Do you know why doctors slap babies on the butt after they are born? A: It knocks the dicks off of the dumb ones.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit." --- Men's Room, Main Street Saloon, Akron Ohio
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
How to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans. --- Woody Allen
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A guy comes home after losing a lot of money, playing golf. A few minutes later his wife comes home from work with a new fur coat. Her husbands says "Hey how did you get this?" She says that her boss won the lotto and this is her share. This happens a few times, first the coat and then a car and then jewelry etc. One night the wife gets home really tired out and asks her husband to run her bath, which he then does. But only fills it up an inch. She gets in and says to him "Why did you put in so little water?" "Well, we dont want your lotto ticket getting wet, now do we?!!!!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The penis-enlarging pills my boyfriend bought online must be working. At this point, he's a bigger dick than he was a few months ago.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The number of divorces in this country proves that this is the land of the free. The number of marriages proves that it is truly the home of the brave.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You're SO ugly.......
You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the Great Wall Of China.
You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application.
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.
You're so ugly, your mate won't have to worry about birth control...your face will do just fine.
You're so ugly, you could model for death threats.
You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.
You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on your mirror.
You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror your reflection turns to stone.
You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you.
You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.
You're so ugly, when you were born the doctor took one look at you and slapped your parents.
You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning.
You're so ugly, your pet name is Scooby-Doo.
Your girl is so ugly, you gave her a hickey and got a mouthful of fur.
You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into labour your father went into shock.
You're so ugly, everytime your mother looks at you she says to herself, "Damn, I should've just given head."
I know why you look like a horse, because I saw your mother grazing in the field.
You're so ugly, when we play peek-a-boo - first I peeked, then I booed.
You're so ugly, you can sink your face in dough and make monster cookies.
You're so ugly, they call you Taco Bell, when people see you they run for the border.
You're so ugly, you make onions cry.
You're so ugly, the tide wouldn't bring you in.
You're so ugly, I took you to see the zookeeper and he said, "Thanks for bringing him back."
You're so ugly, you mother had to get drunk before she breast fed you.
You're so ugly, you went to a freak show and got a permanent job.
You're so ugly, the police sketch artists are afraid to draw you.
You're so ugly, when you get sick they call the vet.
You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.
You're so ugly, farmers use your picture as a scarecrow.
You're so ugly, everytime you go out you get chased by the dog catcher.
You're so ugly, when you jerk off your hand tries to fall asleep.
You're so ugly, you can't hail a bus.
You're so ugly, they call you Moses because every time you step in the lake, the water parts.
You're so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger nightmares.
You're so ugly, they let you park in handicapped spaces.
You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn't come back.
You're so ugly, when you went to the zoo they refused to let you out.
You're so ugly, you can't get a date off the calendar.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into labour the doctors went on strike.
You're so ugly, your last name is Link and your first is Missing.
You're so ugly, people put your picture in their car window as an anti-theft device.
You're so ugly, that you can turn milk into yogurt, just by looking at it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

2 Comments:

At March 28, 2006 5:28 PM, Blogger Bushwack said...

LoL great post with so much shit happening in the world today humor is very needed.

 
At March 28, 2006 11:44 PM, Blogger Patty said...

Thanks. I try to add a chuckle or two for everyone. I hope it helps the more serious bloggers rest a min. before carring on.

 

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