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Sunday, April 02, 2006

Are You Ready???



Links and things.
FBI History:
http://www.fbi.gov/libref/historic/history/historymain.htm

Where is Audrey May Herron???
http://audreymayherron.expage.com/index.html

Make this million-dollar chicken recipe
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11964290/from/RS.1/

Are You Ready
http://www.fema.gov/areyouready/

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks..................
"What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a high-priced whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl". "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm an elite chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a call girl?". "Well, I raised over 5,000 little peckers last year
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in a lovely restaurant. They were talking about how happy their marriage has been and still is. The husband says, "We have been married for so long, 50 wonderful years, but there is something I have been meaning to ask you." "Yes, dear, anything you want," replies the wife. "Have you always been faithful? Come on, you can tell me; we have been married for so long nothing can change that." Shocked as she was she figured she owed him the truth. "I have been unfaithful three times," she says. "Remember when you were going to lose the business and you desperately needed a loan, but none of the banks you went to gave you one. And then, on the weekend, one of the bank managers came to the house and gave it to you. Well that was the first time." "I am shocked, but also I love you dearly because you sacrificed yourself to save me from bankruptcy. What about the 2nd time?" he asks. "The second time was when you had the heart attack and needed that special surgery. Remember the heart specialist flew in from Chicago?" she said. "Again I am shocked but I love you even more because you did it for me. You are truly a magnificent woman. Tell me the third time." "Well, remember when you were running for mayor and you were 47 votes short...."
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-

If you are at all squeamish you may wish to pass on this one. Sometimes nature is cruel but there is also a beauty in that cruelty.
The alligator , as one of the ultimate predators, can fall victim to the kind of implemented 'team work' strategy which is possible due to the pack mentality and social structure of canines.
Scroll down to see the attached and remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine.
But NOT if you're squeamish! This is NOT for the faint of heart!






2 Comments:

At April 02, 2006 8:21 PM, Blogger Gayle said...

Hillarious post, Patty.

I wish I could post some of the more adult jokes like you do, but I have many teenage bloggers, ages 12 through 15 who visit, and so I feel I have to keep it family friendly. I lose a lot of good jokes that way. I love that "5,000 little peckers" one! lol! Both that one and the one after it I read to my husband. He laughed long and hard. I love listening to his laugh! Thanks.

I also loved the alligator one. That was a "gotcha." Works really good on April Fool's day! :)

 
At April 02, 2006 8:30 PM, Blogger Patty said...

I am a little slow on the April Fool's draw. LOL
I debated on backing off on some of my jokes but I posted a warning. In this day and age these jokes are not as bad as what some kids are doing. That worries me too. I useally toss as many jokes as I post I find them XXX rated and not to my liking at all.. Even I have standards believe it or not.
I like the little peckers too..

 

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