Cyber Sex and Other things
I have run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel... then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one so I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman, I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kind of scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her... figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with everyone... she said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away. Huh, must not have had any in stock. In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked it they had any sex drives in stock... He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive, I thought about it for a minute and told him Yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed... he started laughing at me said something about me trying to kill him... You're killing me! or something like that, and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock. I wasn't trying to kill him... I wasn't even hurting him. The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck... I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. She's fallen off the wagon, that explains it and walked away laughing. The guy in the fourth store said something like boob under his breath and walked away... wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores. Maybe have to order from a catalog or get on the Internet and search for one. So that's where I am now... If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it. Then all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it.
Little Johnny and Suzie play on the swing set every day after school. One day, little Johnny goes home after school and asks his father, "What's this thing between my legs, daddy?" His father replies, "That's your truck, son. You want to park that in a girl's garage" The very same day, Suzie goes home and asks her mother, "Mommy, what's this between my legs?" Her mother smiles and replies, "That is your garage, honey. You NEVER want to let a boy park his truck in there." Both of the kids go to school the next day, and like always, they play on the swing set afterwards. Suzie goes home after a while, and her mother is shocked to see blood all over Suzie's face and clothes. "Suzie, What happened??" She cried. "Oh nothing, mom. Little Johnny tried to park his truck in my garage, so I bit off his back two tires!!"
An elephant says to a camel, "Everyone has boobs on their chest. How come you have them on your back. To which the camel replies, "Look whose talking, the guy with a dick on his face.
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "I sure do," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child.
When my wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do." "Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob out of this
An aging prostitute had had so many men that no longer could she be satisfied. Before retiring she staged a contest and offered a thousand dollar prize to any man who could bring her to orgasm. All the men in town lined up to try. From the Mayor to the courthouse janitor, no one could make her cum. She was sadly disappointed and ready to give up when a midget showed up to try. Much to her surprise the little fellow gave her the thrill of her life, and walked away with the thousand dollars. All of the other men were amazed and demanded to know his secret. The Midget finally fessed up, "I stuck my head in her pussy, wiggled my ears and vomited."
A middle-aged woman enters her family doctor's office in a frantic state. She says, "Doctor, I think I'm turning into a horse!" The doctor, taken aback, replies, "I'm sure you may have SOME problem, but I assure you no human has ever turned into a horse." The woman became more insistent and said, "Doctor, look at my teeth. They're getting bigger and more yellow!" The doctor calmly replied, "Yes, I see. Your teeth appear a bit larger and more yellow than your last visit, but I don't think you're turning into a horse." Getting more frustrated, the woman said, "Well, I think I'm getting a mane! Look at all this hair on the back of my neck. It's grown 5 inches in ONE WEEK!" Becoming more concerned, the doctor said, "You're NOT turning into a horse. We'll just shave your neck occasionally." At this point the woman became considerably frustrated, speaking faster and louder. "Just look at my finger and toe nails! They've become very thick and big. I'm developing HOOVES!" The doctor in amazement cried, "Holy cow! I've never seen finger and toe nails THAT big!" Then the woman pulls up the back of her skirt and said, "And look at this, doctor. My backbone is protruding significantly from my butt!" The doctor looked in amazement, then started scribbling on a small piece of paper. The woman asked, "Are you writing me a prescription?" The doctor said, "No. I'm writing a memo to my brother-in-law. He works at City Hall. Take this to him and he'll give you a permit to take shit in the street!"
She's A Keeper If You Hear A Woman Say . . .
I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!
This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang.
Don't get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wetspot.
Don't dirty up your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse.
That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again?
I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby- sitter Tracy.
You're my daddy! You're my daddy!
The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? (Good one!)
While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.
Bar food again!?
Kick ass. liked that wedding even more than ours.
Your ex-girl- friend has class.
That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.
I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's day gift!
Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.
I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?
It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila shot off of Chuck's bare ass!
My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.
I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.
Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.
You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!
You are so much smarter than my father.
If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sportscenter.
Little Johnny's mother decided to tell him all about making babies, so she had "the talk" with him. Afterwards Little Johnny just sat there silently for awhile. "Do you understand?" his mother asked. "Yes," replied Little Johnny. "Do you have any questions?" asked his Mother. "Yes, how about little kittens and puppies?" asked Little Johnny. "In exactly the same way as with babies", answered his Mom. "Wow!" Little Johnny exclaimed. "My daddy will fuck ANYTHING!"