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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

DREAM HOME



Africa WebCams (Patrick this is for you, p.s didn't check it out yet)
http://africa-web-cams.com/

Recipe Goldmine Crafts
http://www.recipegoldmine.com/crafts/crafts.html

Captain Video
http://www.slick-net.com/space/



One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here." Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?" Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
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Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?" Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
Alma (a blonde), visiting a farm, saw something which puzzled her. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him--he sauntered in. "Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone; "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep 'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."



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Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in the airport. "How come?," his nephew asked. "My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained. "Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents."
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One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?" "I know!" little Pauly exclaimed. "Pantyhose!"
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Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!

~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
Dear Proctor &Gamble,

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have in your Tide
detergent. I've used it through my married life, since Mom told me it
was the best. Now, in my 50's, I find it even better.

A month ago I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

My inconsiderate, uncaring husband started berating me about how clumsy
I was, and just generally started being a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood
on my white blouse. I tried to get the stains out using a bargain
detergent, but it would not come out. I made a quick trip to the store
and purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative. To my
surprise and satisfaction, all the stains came out.

In fact, the stains came out so well that the detective who came by
yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be a suspect in
the disappearance of my husband. What a relief. Going through menopause
is bad enough without being a murder suspect. I thank you once again for
having such a great product.

Well, I have to go and write a letter to the Hefty Bag people. They also
have a wonderful product.

Sincerely,

A Happy Customer




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Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"


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A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less
intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's
the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less
intelligent men become.
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1 Comments:

At April 25, 2006 10:42 PM, Blogger Patrick Joubert Conlon said...

Funny thing that island looks like one in San Fran Bay called East Brother Island which was for sale for $20 million but has no water.

 

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