Just love Tweety
How Much Have you Spent Drinking?
Virtual Pet Cemetery
You may not know this but many non-living things have a gender.1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on. 7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Laramie, Wyoming. He sits atthe counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staringblankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sittingthere staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke,"If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the youngwrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl overto his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly downto the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight wasshocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too.
Some things should never wait A young couple was expecting a visit from the pastor of their church. They wanted everything to go smoothly, but their two year old son was just getting the hang of potty training.He was at the stage where he would announce at the top of his voice, "I gotta pee," when he had to go to the bathroom.His father, worried that this might be embarrassing when the minister came to call, instructed the child, "Don't shout that you've got to pee. Whisper!"That evening the pastor makes his visit. He's there a very long time and the two year old is on one foot and the other.Finally, the minister asks him, "What's the matter, son?"The child looks at his dad and says, "I've gotta whisper!"The Pastor answered, "It's all right, child. Whisper in my ear."
Classical Music This older musician only had moderate success in his field, but he was a wonderful music teacher. One day he had an inspiration and decided he could teach white mice to play classical music. He assembled 16 mice and hand fashioned various instruments for each mouse. He worked hard teaching the mice to play the 1812 Overture. After three years he was ready to expose his symphony orchestra to the world. He was granted an appointment with a famous talent agency, and appeared at their conference room of the Madison Avenue agency. The mice assembled, picked up their little instruments, and proceeded to play the best 1812 Overture ever heard. The conductor mouse took three bows, as did the 1st violinist. The man, seeing his life's greatest achievement, turned to the head of the talent agency, and asked, "So, what do you think of my orchestra, sir?" The agency boss said, "They are the greatest act I've ever seen. You are to be congratulated, but I can't book them, and that's final." The man, with his heart broken asked, "But.. but, WHY can't you book them?" The agency boss said in a whisper, "Because the drummer looks Jewish!"