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Monday, April 17, 2006

Mo Redneck Stuff


Redneck Sex Quiz
1) A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
[True] or [False]?
2) Asphalt describes rectal problems.
[True] or [False]?
3) Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
[True] or [False]?
4) Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
[True] or [False]?
5) The clitoris is a type of flower.
[True] or [False]?
6) A G-string is part of a fiddle.
[True] or [False]?
7) Semen is a term for sailors.
[True] or [False]?
8) Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
[True] or [False]?
9) Testicles are found on an Octopus.
[True] or [False]?
10) A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
[True] or [False]?
11) KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
[True] or [False]?
12) Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
[True] or [False]?
13) Coitus is a musical instrument.
[True] or [False]?
14) Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
[True] or [False]?
15) An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.
[True] or [False]?
16) A condom is a large apartment complex.
[True] or [False]?
17) An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
[True] or [False]?
18) A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
[True] or [False]?
19) A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. [True] or [False]?
20) An erection is when Japanese people vote.
[True] or [False]?
21) A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
[True] or [False]?
22) Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
[True] or [False]?
23) Pornography is the business of making records.
[True] or [False]?
24) Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
[True] or [False]?
25) Douche is the French word for "twelve.".
[True] or [False]?

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How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages.....
English I Love You
Spanish Te Amo
French Je T'aime
German lch Liebe Dich
Japanese Ai Shite Imasu
Italian Ti Amo
Chinese Wo Ai Ni
Swedish Jag Alskar
Alabama
Arkansas
Kansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee I
daho
Missouri
Mississippi
Montana
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky
parts of Florida Nice Ass, Get in the truck
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
While hiking in the mountains one day I came across a gorgeous gorge that I thought was an echo canyon. I shouted "Hello there." but the response sounded to me like "Hello where?" I tried again. "How do you do?" A moment later the report came back sounding like, "How do I do what?" Baffled and amused I decided to give it the ultimate test. "You're not really an echo canyon, are you?" The response from the big ditch confirmed my suspicions. "Brilliant deduction, Einstein. I'm a sarcasm."
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
After a long, dry sermon, the rabbi announced that he wished to meet with the Temple's board following the close of Sabbath services. The first man to arrive and greet the rabbi was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the rabbi. "I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him."
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Charlton Heston walks into a bar with a gun and tells the bartender; "I'll have a beer, and a Scotch for my Uzi." The bartender recognizes him, sees the gun and quickly complies. Heston drinks the beer then leaves, not touching the Scotch. Next day the same thing happens. He drinks the beer and leaves the Scotch untouched. Third day he comes in and says; "I'll have a beer, and a Scotch for my Uzi." The bartender can't stand it anymore and says; "Please don't be mad, but why do you come in every day, drink your beer but leave the Scotch untouched?" "I'm teaching the gun control."
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits. So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account entitled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance. Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice, and declared a new law: that there would, from this point on, be no accounting for Taste.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
"Some people try to turn back theirodometers.
Not me, I want people toknow why I look this way.
I havetravelled a long way and some of theroads weren't paved."Will Rodgers

~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
During a tour of Boston, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the Cape for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a pin-striped Yankees jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Red Sox jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark s'side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Yankee fan from the water. Then using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it, too, into the boat. Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he said. "I have been told about there being bad blood between Sox and Yankee fans but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?" "It was the Pope", one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom." "Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know jack about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up O.K., or do we need to get another one?"
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer living just outside Cornerbrook, Newfoundland, to find the main cause of the Mad Cow Disease. The Lady: Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease? The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year? The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed): Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease? The Farmer: And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day? The reporter: Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point? The Farmer: I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#

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