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Sunday, April 23, 2006

More of the Same


Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said.
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Morris and his Wife, Esther, went to the state fair every year. And every year, Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." "I know, Morris," Esther would reply, "abut that airplane ride costs $50, and $50 is $50." One year, the couple went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance." "Moris," Esthere replied, "that airplane ride costs $50, and $50 is $50." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you. But if you say even one word, it's $50." Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not word was heard. He did all his tricks again and still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell, but you didn't." Well, Morris replied, "I was going to say something when Esther fell out, but $50 is $50."
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Did you know they are now selling Kosher computers (Made in Israel). Called a DELLSHALOM. It is selling at such a good price that..well..I bought one. It arrived yesterday. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there are some important upgrades and changes from the typical computer you are used to, such as: The cursor moves from right to left. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets "Ferklempt." The Chanukah screen savers include "Flying Dreidels" The PC also shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. The "Start" button has been replaced with "Let's go!! I'm not getting any younger!" button. The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!". Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner. I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup. When running "ScanDisk," it prompts with a "You want I should fix this?" message. When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt" After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schloffen." Computer viruses can now be cured with some chicken soup. When Spell check finds an error it prompts "Is this the best you can do?" If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following message appears: "You should be ashamed of yourself."
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Flying home after visiting her daughter in England, she arranged to have her husband meet her plane at the Vancouver, B.C. airport. This meant a stop at the border crossing between the United States and Canada, where her husband was asked: "What is your reason for entering the country?" and "How long are you planning to stay?" He replied that he was picking his wife up at the airport after her trip to England. Without missing a beat, the guard asked two more questions in the same businesslike tone: "Is the house clean?" and "Are there fresh flowers on the table?"
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Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, looking really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked Thibodeaux what the problem was. Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and Clothile done had our first fight last night." Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat's too bad. What y'all had a fight about?" Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope." Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You knows dat Clothile is Catholic." Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn't know de Pope was too."
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I met this guy the other day and I noticed he was wearing a huge watch. "Wow," I said. "That's one heck of a watch." "Thanks, it's a diver's watch," he informed me. "It's waterproof to 500 meters, it won't corrode, never needs batteries or winding. It's the best diver's watch money can buy!" "That's tremendous," I said. "You dive?" "No," he said, as a fearful look came over his face. "I am afraid of the water."
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Two cows are grazing in a pasture enjoying their grass. At around noon they decide to lay under a tree, chew their cud, and talk for awhile. The first cow says to the other: "Have you heard about that awful new Mad Cow Disease?" The second cow, chewing her cud says: "Yea, I heard about." The first cow says: "Well, I'm really worried! I heard that a lot of the cows in the pasture down the road have caught it!" The second cow says: "Yea I heard." The first cow says: "Well you don't seem to worried about it!" The second cow says: "I'm Not worried." Irate now, the first cow says: "How can you just lay there, and not worry about such a horrible Disease!?" The second cow says: "Easy, because I can't catch it" The first cow says: "And Just What Makes Think That!!!" The second says: "Because you stupid Cow, Can't you see? I'm a Duck !!!"
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Blondie Gets Even A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "The trucker out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is . . . an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pai r of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie? She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, head lights and running boards, you might as well gas up! FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!




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There Is Something Unusual About The Following Words, See If You Can Figure It Out.
The Answer Is Below...But Don't Peek Until You've Given It A Good Shot!
Assess
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo
OK, See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common........
Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?
Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?
OK... Here You Go... Hope You Didn't Cheat. This! Is Cool.
Scroll for answer.
Answer: In All Of The Words Listed, If You Take The First Letter, Place It At The End Of The Word, And Then Spell The Word Backwards, It will be The Same Word. Did You Figure It Out?
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