Sunny day chuckle
A guy goes to the Patents Office with some designs. He tells the clerk. "Id' like to register my new invention, a folding bottle." "Oh sure says the clerk, "what do you call it?" "A fottle," says the inventor "That's a silly name., can you think of anything else?" "I'll think about it," says the inventor. I've got something else here a folding carton "And what do you call that?", asks the clerk. "A farton." "Thats rude....You can't possibly use that name!" "Gee" says enventor, "then your'e going to HATE the name of my folding bucket!"
Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
Now, think about it...... Ready???
ARE YOU SURE???
Answer: 10 little piggies,
1 ass, and an unknown number of hares.
Father Robin arrived home and found Mother Robin was not in the nest. Checking their eggs, he discovered one of them was definitely not his. When Ma Robin came back, he pointed to the egg and said sternly, "How come?" She gave him a sweet smile and replied, "Oh, I just did that for a lark."
The officials at a Chinese zoo held a special event when two of their giant animals were mating, charging visitors the Chinese equivalent of $10 extra to see the event. But local officials shut them down, accusing them of panda-ing to prurient interests.
Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows. Therefore, he'd visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The cows laughed and laughed, and they gave excellent milk. However, the news got around and no one else was much amused. Thus, his cows became the laughing stock of the community.
I just received this from my broker. I don't normally pass on stock tips, but thought this explosive situation might prove to be another "Enron". Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks. American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Co., Northern Tissue Co. Due to uncertain market conditions, we advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean!
"Girls shouldn't play with men's balls. Their hands are too small." ---Senator Wally Horn of Iowa talking about girls sports in school -- specifically, what size basketball they should use.
Peter's sitting in a coffee shop, staring at a girl wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The young lady looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me dinner..."
Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke." The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps." The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband." She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler." "How so?" "He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."