Are We There Yet
"Thai This For a Change"
An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Helen noticed her husband looking at the vegetarian section of the menu. "What would you like Marty?" She asked. "I'm looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish." He replied. "Marty, you like meat and potatoes. You won't like that dish." Helen said. "What do you know," answered Marty, "I'm getting it." "Marty, I'm telling' you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won't like it!" Helen exclaimed. "I'm getting it and that is the last word!" says Marty. A short while later the meals arrive at the table.Marty looks down and his dish and says to Helen, "Where are my eggs?"
Deep in the back woods of Greene County, Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think theres another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems theres yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, . . "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Shortly after arriving at the University of Washington, I joined some new friends on a trip to nearby Vancouver, British Columbia. It was my first trip outside the United States. At the border, a guard asked how long we would stay in Canada. Knowing it would be after midnight when we returned, I asked, "How late will we be able to get back across the border?" "Any time, Ma'am," the guard said. "We never close Canada."
A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing . . . there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
These are some Actual reference queries as recorded by
American and Canadian library employees:
"Do you have books here?"
"Do you have a list of all the books written in the
"Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?"
"I'm looking for Robert James Waller's book, 'Waltzing
through Grand Rapids.'"
(Actual title wanted: "Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend.")
"Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?"
(Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
"Where is the reference desk?" This was asked of a
person sitting at a desk who had, hanging above her
head, a sign saying "REFERENCE DESK"!
"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook
that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"
"Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my
"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles
were fought on National Park sites?"
"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?"
"I need a color photograph of Socrates"
"I need a photocopy of Booker T. Washington's birth certificate."
"I need to find out Ibid's first name for my bibliography."
"Why don't you have any books by Ibid? He's written
a lot of important stuff."
"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome.
I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck."
"Is the basement upstairs?" (Asked at First Floor
"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that
would send me back to jail for a couple of months."