A Bush Joke
Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you Moses?" The man never answered, but just kept staring ahead. Again the President said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just kept staring ahead, never answering the President. Soon a secret service agent came along and President Bush grabbed him and said, "Doesn't this man look like Moses to you?" The secret service agent agreed with the President. "Well," said the President, "Every time I say his name, he just keeps staring ahead and refuses to speak. Watch!" Again, the President yelled, "Moses!" and again the man stared ahead. The secret service man went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?" The man leaned over and whispered, "Yes, I am Moses. However, the last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years wandering in the desert
What's the definition of oral sex? The taste of things to come.
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell are you doing?" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I massaged your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"
The sculptor and one of his students went out for coffee after class. "You have the most delicate, slender hands," said the student, a rather gorgeous young thing. "Forgive me for saying it, but they belong on a woman." Not only did he forgive her, he obliged.
We've been married a little over four years, and we just celebrated our "Wooden" Anniversary. I asked her to give me a blow job and she "wooden."
A young Jewish man had just finished high school and wanted to go to college. He approached his father and said, "Dad, would you send me to college?" "Son," he replied, "You don't even know what's what! When you know what's what, I'll send you to college." His father then offered his son a job in the family business--a furniture store. The boy--let's call him Sam--worked in his father's store for the next year. After the year was over he approached his father again. "Dad," he said, "I've worked for you for a year. Now will you send me to college?" His dad replied, "Son, you still don't know what's what! When you know what's what I'll send you to college!" Sam was dejected. He left and went to a bar to have a drink. At the bar he met an attractive young lady. They seemed to hit it off well. They both left and went to her apartment. After an hour of a little of this and a little of that on the sofa, the young lady said she was going to go to her bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. When she returned she was totally naked, except for a tiny belt around her waist. Sam looked at her in astonishment. Sam pointed to the belt and asked, "What's that?" The lady answered, "What's what?" Sam replied, "If I knew what's what I'd be in college!!!"
One of my wife's friends is a lesbian. One day we got to talking and I asked her did she ever wonder what it would be like to have children. She said it was the one thing she regretted about her sexual orientation, that she might never be a mother. She's a good-looking lady, and I said slyly that if she ever wanted to be impregnated I'd be happy to help out -- purely altruistically of course. She shot me a death-ray look, and told me with a curling lip that if she ever decided to reproduce, it would be by artificial insemination. "No problem," I replied, "If you want artificial, I'll tell you I love you."
Funny Jokes: The Poopie List
GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there
no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet,
but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still
feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt
and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and
pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to
poopie some more.
POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much
to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid
flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet
GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.
DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long
night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the
bottom of the toilet.
CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie
all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd
swear it was leaving you sideways.
WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast,
your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even
though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two
will cut it loose.
THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are
you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!