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Friday, May 26, 2006

Friday's Funnies



A plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off." The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time??"
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A guy was in Daytona, and could not understand why his friend had attracted all the girls at the beach, while he pulled nothing. So he asked him, "Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?" He replied, "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!" So, the guy stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Many hours later, he still had no woman. He went to see his friend again and said, "I've tried it and it doesn't work!" His friend looked at the guy and said, "Have you tried putting the potato in the front?"
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Weird Fact :
Over 500 million gallons of Kool-Aid drink are consumed each year.
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Weird Fact :
There was a false floor fitted in Adolf Hitler's Mercedes 770K to make him look taller when he stood up in the car.
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Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one
really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"
The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really
difficult question." "Well, good luck to you, you have made your own
choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or Night?" The boy
was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness
of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY
sir!" "How" the interviewer asked, "Sorry sir, you promised me that
you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
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And then there's the story about the man working the night desk at
the FBI office. They got a lot of wrong numbers, because it was
similar to the pizza joint. One night he answered "FBI." When the
caller hesitated he said "You meant to call Dominoes ..." The caller
exclaimed "Wow, you guys really do know everything!"
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The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup. It makes men cocky and women lay better.
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Who ate the cookies ? "Peter!" his mother scolded "There were two cookies in the pantry this morning but now there's only one! Do you have an explanation?" Peter replied "It must have been too dark and I didn't see the other one."
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Dirty Ernie is sitting in Biology class, when his teacher states the fact that only humans stutter and no other animal in the world does. Dirty Ernie raises his hand and says, "You are wrong Miss Finch!" "Really, would you mind telling us why that is Ernie?" replies the teacher. "Well Miss Finch, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch when the neighbor's Rottweiler came around the corner. My cat went, "fffff! fffff! fffff!" And, before he could say 'FUCK!'... that dog ate him!"

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Do you understand what cooperation is?

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old
baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is?
What a team is?"


The little boy nodded in the affirmative.


"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as
a team?"


The little boy nodded yes.


"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you
shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do
you understand all that?"


Again the little boy nodded.


He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a
chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb
asshole' is it?"


Again the little boy nodded.


"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your
Grandmother."
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