Giggles for Saturday Afternoon
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He
asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard
prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going,
he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year".
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
* 2 litres of low fat milk
* a carton of eggs
* 2 litres of orange juice
* a head of lettuce
* half a dozen tomatoes
* a 500g jar of coffee
* a 250g pack of bacon
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated,"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
Kathy Smith, West Coast TV-news anchorwoman, claims that off-camera and
Without makeup she wouldn't be recognized. To avoid attracting attention in
Her Seattle neighborhood, she asked her children not to tell people what she
Did for a living. One day, while her five-year old son was getting a
Haircut, she overheard him reply to a question from the barber about her
Work. "I can't tell you what my mom does. All I know is she gets all dressed
Up and goes out at night."
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed
away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit
her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she
asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love
on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
The principal was visiting the kindergarten class, as was his daily habit.
The teacher was teaching the children about colors.
She asked the class if anyone knew what color one got when one mixed blue and yellow.
One kid immediately yelled out, "Green!"
The teacher, shocked at the child's quick and correct answer, asked how he knew.
The child replied, "My mommy puts this blue stuff into the potty, and when I do a pee pee it turns green."
In his younger days our golden retriever, Catcher, often ran away
when he had the chance. His veterinarian's office was about a mile
down the road, and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff
knew him and would call me to come pick him up. One day I called the
vet to make an appointment for Catcher's yearly vaccine. "Will you be
bringing him in yourself," asked the receptionist, "or will he come
on his own?"
Did you hear about the Indian chief who traded in his forty year old
squaw for two twenty year olds? A couple of weeks later a couple of
fellow braves saw him back with his forty year old squaw. They said,
"What happened to your two twenty year olds?" The Chief replied, "Me
no wired for 220!"