Gay Man's Motto: "My body is a temple ... With ample parking in the rear."
A truck driver was pulled over by a state trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck. As the driver got stepped out of the cab, the patrolman noticed him putting something in his mouth. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked, "Did I just see you swallow something?" "Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver. "Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman. "Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was screwed."
Useful Work Phrases
1.Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2.I'm not being rude You're just insignificant.
3. Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
6. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
7. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at ex-lovers, and miss.
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
Weird Fact of the Day:
Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.
A doctor was interviewn an elderly patient and he asked,
"Have you been bedridden long, ma'am?"
She replied, "Oh not for about 25 years, not since my
A Greek and an Italian met one sunny afternoon in Greece and
shared a glass of wine. The Greek couldn't help bragging about
his rich cultural heritage. "We Greeks built the Parthenon," he
The Italian answered, "We Italians built the Colliseum and the
The Greek, unfazed, said, "We Greeks gave the world Socrates
The Italian said, "We Italians gave the world Michaelangelo, DaVinci
Somewhat frustrated, the Greek said, "Yes, but we Greeks gave the
To which the Italian calmly replied, "True, but we Italians introduced
it to women."
The waiter took the expensive bottle of Merlot to the lady and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indi- cating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter took the note from her and returned to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and, 7 inches in your pants." After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it back to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the lady. It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There are over twenty million dollars in my bank account. BUT, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off my dick. Just send back the bottle."
You Know You're A Nurse When... The front of your scrubs read "Nurses ... here to save your ass, not kiss it!" You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. You recognize that you can't cure stupid. You have seen more moons than the Hubbell telescope. You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them. You never get into arguments with an idiots because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience. You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light. You believe that saying, "It can't get any worse" causes it to get worse just to show you it can. You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom. You've ever thought a blood pressure cuff would be an excellent gift for Christmas. You've ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment. You believe any job where you can drive to work in pajamas is a cool job. The ER is a mixture of can do, can't do, and why the hell not! You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil. You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky. Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural. You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control. You've ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots." You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.