A woman had a beautiful black cat with white feet named Socks. Socks spent his days outside and came indoors only at Night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. She searched for him high and low for several days, but all in vain. The following spring, however, Socks reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he'd just been out sowing his wild oats, and let it go at that. Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Socks once again disappeared. The next spring, just as the prior year, he returned. When it happened for the third year in a row, she became very perplexed and decided to investigate. She started by asking her neighbors to see what, if any, information they might have. She was down to the last house on the block, the home of an older couple. If they didn't have the answer, she wasn't sure where she would turn. So she went up and knocked on the door. The lady of the house answered, and she asked her, "By any chance, have you ever seen a black cat with four white feet around here?" "A black cat?" the woman said. "With four white feet? Oh my, yes! He's the sweetest thing. My husband and I kept seeing him outside every fall. We hated it that the poor thing had to be out in the cold, so we decided that when we go south for the winter, we'd take him with us. He's been going to Florida with us every winter for the last few years."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we
could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
We gave our friend Bill, a jogger, a T-shirt that read, "I'm single"
on the front and "For more information..." on the back, and we included
a phone number.
Sure enough, a few months later Bill brought over his new girlfriend to
meet us. When he removed his jacket, we saw that he was wearing the
T-shirt. He turned around and announced his engagement by showing us
the back of the shirt. Added to the original message was, "Offer expires..."
followed by their wedding date.
One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her teen age children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. The next year things were different, however. "The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. "How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused their change in behavior?" "Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."
On television my 88 year old stepfather and I saw an attractive woman wearing an evening gown with leg openings going all the way up to her waist. "Why do they wear gowns like that?" he asked. "Maybe that style makes their legs look longer," I speculated. "No," he said," I think it makes the men look longer."
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.
Caution! . . . . . . . . . . . .These people Vote
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff".
She ALSO votes!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific"
He ALSO votes!
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving"
She ALSO votes!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. Sh e keeps it in the trunk . . . . . .
My sister ALSO votes!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount .
He also votes.....
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. . . . . . .
My friend ALSO votes!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet? " . . . . .
SHE ALSO votes!
While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 . . . . . . .
Yep, he votes too.
Now you know who elects the politicians!