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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

White Trash Wed Again



7 reasons not to mess with children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was
physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a
very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
*****
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
"They will in a minute."
*****
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother,
she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
*****
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
"Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me
cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
*****
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade
them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer, ' or! 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
She's dead. "
*****
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the
matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you
know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."

"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood
doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
*****
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and
posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large
pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." The act of doing things for other people. Then I heard the terms Internal Revenue Service, Postal Service, Civil Service, Service Stations... And I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant. Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull service a few of his cows. SHAZAM!! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us...
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery. On the day he was admitted his mother asked Dr. could you please circumcise him while he is asleep. The Dr. agreed. The boy woke up and was very sore down there for several days. After about a week he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he was also going to have to have his tonsils out soon. He asked him to tell him about the surgery. The little boy replied 'all I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are.'
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#

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