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Friday, June 23, 2006

Early Edition



TutorGig.com~ Search

http://www.tutorgig.com/index.htm

Kincheloe Air Force Base
http://www.kinross.net/community/kincheloe/kinch_history.htm

The Real Mother Goose -- A List of the Rhymes
http://trmg.designwest.com/title.html

PHOBIA'S
http://www.phobialist.com/

RhymeTime
http://www.rhymezone.com





Bert Einstein created this quiz, stating that 98% of people in the world could not solve it. You will be presented with a list of facts, followed by a list of clues that will help you reach the objective at the end of this quiz.

FACTS:
1. There are 5 houses in 5 different colors
2. In each house lives a man with a different nationality.
3. These 5 owners drink a certain beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet.
4. No owners have the same pet, brand of cigar, or drink.
CLUES: 1. the Brit lives in a red house
2. the Swede keeps a dog
3. the Dane drinks tea
4. the green house is on the left of the white house.
5. the green house owner drinks coffee.
6. the person who smokes pall mall keeps birds.
7. the owner of the yellow house smokes dunhill.
8. the man living in the house right in the center drinks milk
9. the Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. the man who smokes blend lives next to the one who keeps cats
11. the man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes dunhill
12. the owner who smokes blue master drinks beer
13. the German smokes prince.
14. the Norwegian lives next to the blue house
15. the man who smokes blend has a neighbor who drinks water.
QUESTION: Who keeps the fish? Okay, get your thinking caps on & get to work & see if anyone can figure this one out.
The answwer is below.

Answer to the Quiz: The German keeps the fish.
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young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, When he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then,he sees a huge 12 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it On to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
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Several of us were talking computers when the conversation turned to our children and the impact computers have had on them.
One of the Dads in the group said he didn't realize how much his son was into computers until he asked him to empty the kitchen trash.
The son replied, "Sure Dad, I'll be glad to delete it for you."

~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
Weird Fact :
Pretzel snacks have been around for over 1300 years. A European monk invented the snack using used leftover bread dough.
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My wife simply does not understand the business world. She insists
I'm cheating on her, despite my clear explanation that I'm simply out-
sourcing the sexual component of her job description to free her up
for other projects. (Brad Wilkerson from Ruminations)
===============
We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several
former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our
minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the
importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the
bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered
gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally."

~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
Weird Fact :The Bank of America was originally called the Bank of Italy until the founder, Amedeo Giannini, changed the name in 1930.
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New Student
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro
Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
"Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of
the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!
Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper:"Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the
teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit.
If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice,
"Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the
floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted Duck" !
The teacher asked "Who said that?
Pedro: Dick Cheney 2006!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Weird Fact :
Research indicates that people prefer the colour blue for their casual clothing.
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
Fact of the Day:Former U.S. president Ronald Reagan worked as a lifeguard in his youth at a beach near Dixon, Illinois and saved over 77 lives.



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Police Harassment
Recently, a California web site ran an e-mail forum (a question and answer exchange) where the topic was "Policing the Community."
One of the civilian e-mail participants posed the following question:
"I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"
From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) a cool cop with a sense of humor replied:
It is not easy. In California we average one cop for every 2,000 people. About 60% of those cops are on patrol, where we do most of the harassing. One-fifth of that 60% are on duty at any given moment and are available for harassing people. So, one cop is responsible for harassing about 10,000 residents. When you toss in the commercial, business and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 20,000 or more people each day.
A ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. Most cops are not up to it, day in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we harass.
They are as follows:
PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase we use. Then we come out and give special harassment. Another popular one on a weeknight is, "The kids next door are having a loud party."
CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars blasting music, cars with expired registration stickers and the like. It is lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, are driving drunk, or they have an outstanding warrant.
RUNNERS: Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours.
CODES: When you can think of nothing else to do, there are books that give ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Codes" Penal, Vehicle, Health and Safety, Business and Professional Codes, to name a few. They spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people.
After you read the code, you can just drive around for a while until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy smash a car window. Well, the code says that is not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It is a pretty cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well.
We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because the good citizens who pay the tab actually like the fact that we keep the streets safe for them. Next time you are in my town, give me a single finger wave. That will be a signal that you wish for me to take a little closer look at you, and then maybe I'll find a reason to harass YOU
.
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Wendy was waiting her turn at the bakery, when she heard a prospective bride give the cake decorator a hard time as she previewed her wedding cake. She demanded many extras and was critical of the work he'd done so far. After she left, he muttered, "I'm glad I put my special golden award on this cake. That young woman is sure eligible for it." Curious, Wendy studied the cake closely, but saw nothing. Finally the decorator pointed to the tiny bridegroom atop the cake with his tiny bride and there it was. Barely visible was the "golden award", a tiny wedding ring, inserted in the groom's nose.
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Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and freezer and is scooping out some ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away, Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's way too close to supper time. Go outside and play." Johnny whimpers and says, "But there's no one to play with." Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" He says, "I wanna play Mommy and Daddy." Trying not to register surprise and a bit confused about what her 10 year old son was learning in school, she decided to appease him, by saying, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?" Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down." Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mom goes upstairs. Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway. Really confused, and now even a bit worried, his mother raises her head and says, "What do I do now?" In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your be-hind downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
A lawyer charging a high fee, a lawyer charging a low fee and Santa Claus were seated around a table in the center of which was $10,000. The lights went off. When the lights came back on the $10,000 was missing. Who took it?
Answer: The lawyer charging the high fee because the other two don't exist.
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A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?" "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!" "Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question." "I object!" the defense said again. "No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer." The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object." So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?" The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know!"
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
A lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange.
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A defense attorney was cross-examining a Chicago police officer during a felony trial -- it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer -- do you have a locker room in the police station -- a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room? A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers? A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common? They both have a one in a million chance of becoming human.
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About eight years ago, in the hallway of the felony court, I happened to meet a Detroit police officer I knew, whose duty was as a court officer in the lower court. I asked him what he was doing there. My friend told me that he was a witness in a robbery case. Two armed men had robbed a homeowner in Detroit. They had knocked on the door of the house. When the owner came to the door, they went into the "your-money-or- your-life" routine. The homeowner said he would get the money and closed and locked the door. He retrieved some money, opened the door, and gave it to the robbers. While I was laughing, my friend says, "Wait, it gets better!" The homeowner called the police, who arrested one of the robbers. At the culprit's preliminary examination (to determine whether there is enough evidence to charge the defendant with a felony), the homeowner is asked to identify the defendant. This was in my friend's courtroom, and why he was a witness in the felony court. The prosecutor says to the homeowner, "Do you see either of the men who robbed you in court, today?" The victim says, "Yes, one of the men is sitting at the counsel table with his attorney, wearing a grey sweater. . . . and the other one is sitting there in the audience." Sure, enough, the idiot had come to court for his accomplice's hearing.
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Here's one of my favorite anecdotes from my teaching career that I like to share with others. It's a true story. One day while we were studying the solar system in my fifth-grade class one of the students posed an intriguing question about comets. Because I like to show the class that learning is a fun, lifelong process, I told the young gal, "That's an excellent question. I don't know the answer. I wonder where we could find out." Her response was sincere disbelief. "You don't know? I thought teachers were supposed to know *everything*!" A slow grin crept over my face as I prepared to give my "learning is a life-long process" speech. But before I could get a word out a student from across the room blurted out, "Yeah, but he's only a fifth-grade teacher."
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8 Comments:

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