Her ya Go. Again
Why is marriage is like a violin?
After all the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached
You know you're getting older when nobody uses candles for your
birthday anymore. They just set the cake on fire.
You know you're growing old when your knees buckle and your belt won't!
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a
pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming.
She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance
with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't
realize you were pregnant."
The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite
surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman.
"Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist."
Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded
to ask the routine questions. When his asked,
"How many children do you have?"
The lady replied, "Eighteen."
"Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist, you just
don't have time to get dressed!"
You Know It's Time To Diet When....
You dance and it makes the band skip.
You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus,
and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk
carton for your picture.
You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
You could sell shade.
Your blood type is Ragu.
You need an appointment to attend an ' open house'.
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10
years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the
neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents
were at, their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby
who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that
they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father replied, "Sure, do
that before I kill them!" The mother went to the priest and made her
He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So
the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat
behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally,
the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" The
boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a
louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his
forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother,
he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they
usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in BIG trouble!" The
older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIG trouble?"
His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it."
You know you been on the Internet too long when...
Someone ask what's Yahoo Web address and you answer 22.214.171.124
You write in your email address as your new home address in the
Post Office Change of address form.
You require a separate hard drive for all your bookmarks.
You can't remember your phone number and give out your email address
You were a member of GEine, Compuserve, Delphi, and AOL before the web
You send email using ROT 13
You upgrade the local cybercafe web browser on your own time.
You have a copy of the original "Get Rick Quick" email from 1993 still
in your inbox, unread.
You select an apartment based on the location to the nearest Major Hub.
You plan your vacations to Silicon Valley.