More White Trash Wednesday
The young couple is on their honeymoon. After a few hours of
exhausting great sex he says, "Now you won't see me for a while."
"We're on our honeymoon!" she exclaims. "Where do you think
"Nowhere, Sweetie," he says. "Just turn over."
A man is traveling through the jungle for days. Growing tired, he passes by a house and decides to ask if they could put him up for the night. After he knocks on the door, an old Chinese man with a beard that reached the floor answers. The traveler asks if he could stay the night, and the Chinese guy agrees -- as long as he doesn't screw his granddaughter. Before the traveler can agree, the old man warns him that if he does screw his granddaughter, he will perform the three greatest Chinese tortures on him. The traveler says okay, and the man lets him in.
When it was time for dinner, the man meets the granddaughter, who is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. After he figures that the old man is asleep, he goes into her room and makes love to her.
The next morning, the man awakes with a 100-lb rock on his chest with a sign reading, "First Chinese torture: wake up with 100-pound rock on chest." Being a strong man, the traveler thinks nothing of it. He picks up the rock and throws it out the window. On the back of the rock, there is another sign reading "Second Chinese torture: right ball tied to rock." Thinking quickly, the traveler jumps out the window. On the other side of the window, there is another sign reading, "Third Chinese torture: left nut tied to bed post."
Why Men Should Be Built By Kodak
They would automatically shut off when they weren't
You wouldn't have to wait for them to recharge after
They last longer and come with a warranty.
You can try them out first for a two-week trial period
and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle.
They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it.
They come in fashion colors.
You can keep them in maximum zoom.
They come with replaceable or adjustable parts.
The parts that count are portable.
They don't mind over-exposure.
They respond to the slightest touch.
The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
Sherry the secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you" "Sherry honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once." "Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile..."
"Pamela Anderson has called off her wedding to Kid Rock. The rumor is she got fed up with all his drinking. If you're choosing alcohol over Pamela Anderson, that IS a drinking problem." --Jay Leno
"I remember when 'Palm Pilot' was just a nickname you received upon entering puberty." --Dennis Miller "I think lawyers and teachers should flip salaries." --Dennis Miller
An old maid was held up in a dark alley. She explained she had no money, but the robber insisted that it must be in her bra, or in her panties and started feeling around. "I told you I haven't got any money," the spinster said, "but if you keep doing that, I'll write you a check."
Hear about the blonde who...
* Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
* Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Once upon a time a young lad was born without a belly button. In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his mother that there wasnothing that they could do. Like it or not he was stuck with it. All the years of growing up was real tough on him, as all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided ever leaving his house and thus never made any friends. One day a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a swami in Tibet that could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next day he took all of his life's savings and bought a ticket to Nepal. After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day when he awoke, the screw would have been removed. The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep. During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window bearing in it's mist a golden screwdriver. In just moments, the screw-driver removed the screw and disappeared out of the window. The next morning when he woke, he saw the golden screw laying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of bed and his butt fell off.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call thelocal township administrative office to request the removal of the DeerCrossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit bycars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.This one was from Kingman, KS
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked theperson behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,but they only had iceberg.And he was a Kansas City chef!
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when anairport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage withoutyour knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, howwould I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTINGThe stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. Iwas crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine whenshe asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signalsblind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What onearth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer inWichita, KS
IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker whowas leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commentedcheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word wasspoken. We all just looked at each other with thatdeer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a brunch at Texas Instruments_
IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged his power stripback into itself and he couldn't understand why his system would notturn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobiledealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked init. We went to the service department and found a mechanic workingfeverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from thepassenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discoveredthat it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." This was at theFord dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
they walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE!