The Wind Sure Does Blow.....
A visitor asked a West Texas cowboy, "Do you ever get tornadoes out here?" The cowboy replied, "Yeah, we had one a while back, but it ran into a sandstorm outside of town and got ripped to pieces." The wind blows so hard out in West Texas that at a drive-in theater it once blew Gene Autry right out of the saddle." A visitor to Amarillo asked a local rancher, "How do you stand the wind blowing every single day?" The rancher said, "You just have to get used to it -- learn to lean into it. In fact, one day last fall the wind stopped blowing all of a sudden, and all the cattle in the panhandle plumb fell over." It was so windy the prairie dogs were digging holes 40 feet in the air. During a period of heavy sandstorms, a rancher visited his banker and applied for a loan. The banker warned him, "I'll have to come out and inspect the property first." The rancher replied, "That won't be necessary. Here it comes now."
Big moving sale! Lost job, everything must go. Tons of gifts from special interest groups, some still unopened. What I don't sell I will give away to illegal aliens. Nothing stays. New tenant wants room cleared out to put in his barbells. In Sacramento. Look for signs: "To The Governor's Mansion."
A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease. When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?" there was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down yes."
I feel it is my duty to warn everyone of a major problem, one that endangers lives, damages property and causes untold misery, a growing menace that can be summed up in three words: men doing laundry. At first glance, MDL may not seem like a big problem, especially to members of the female species, who generally prefer MDL to WDL. But the evidence is overwhelming, as the Bush Administration might say. MDL has resulted in millions of discolored clothes, billions of missing socks, and countless broken relationships. Wife: "Did you remember to separate the clothes before washing them?" Husband: "Yes, of course I did. I put the whites at the bottom and the colors on top." Wife: "You idiot, you were supposed to wash them separately. You obviously don't know what separation means, but trust me, you're about to find out!"
Desk of Fritz wrote:
Forty-three percent of all people polled in the U.S. say that
immigration is a serious problem.
The other 57 percent said, "No hablo inglés"
Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your boyfriend came to me today, and told me that he wants to marry you, and I gave my consent." Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy....." gushed his daughter, "but it's going to be so hard to leave mother after we're married." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed her dad. "You can just take her with you.
The state trooper pulled Mr. Schwarz over and, after inspecting his license and registration, informed the motorist that he was going to have to spend the night in jail. "What's the charge? Mr. Schwarz demanded. "None," replied the officer. "It's all part of the service."
On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: "Broken." A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building. "What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. "There's plenty of time left!"
Weird Fact :
Toronto was the first city in the world with a computerized traffic signal system.
A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up."
"What happened?" he asked. "Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It
has yellow and black stripes, and likes to sun itself lying across a
pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of it's tail
with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of
it's body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend
urged. "Well, I stealthily sneaked up to the tail laying across the
jungle path, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand
upward ... Just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so banged
up?" the friend asked. "Have you ever goosed a tiger?"
A man is playing the piano softly one night in a downtown bar. In,
walks an elephant who goes over to the pianist, and suddenly starts
to cry. "There, there," says the pianist "Do you recognize the song?
" "No, no, " says the elephant "I recognize the keys. "