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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Whitetrash Wednesday's Mess



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12-Step Internet Recovery Program:

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper
like I used to, before the Internet.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand
typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan
dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends
and family that are Internet-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the
Internet.

7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling
them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is
necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to
balance
my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed
sometime ... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!


~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
I was in a diner with a friend of mine, and I noticed that he had a
golden
dollar. I mention to him that I like the gold coin, and we both go on
for
a little bit about how the dollar coin was better than the dollar bill.

I said, "I wish people would have like the coin better."

"Yeah," he said, "I noticed that it tends to be popular amoung the
young,
hip crowd."

"Well," I said, with a weary voice and shoulders heavy with the burden
of
wisdom,
"People are afraid of change."

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Now, whoever said History was boring ! !
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water
temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to
be. Here are some facts about the1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly
bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were
starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the
body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting
married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of
the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other
sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the
babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone
in it. Hence the saying ... Don't throw the baby out with the Bath
water..

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it
rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall
off the roof. Hence the saying .... It's raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings
could mess up your nice clean bed. A bed with big posts and a sheet
hung
over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into
existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than
dirt. Hence the saying Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that
would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh
(straw)
on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added
more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start
slipping
outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the
thresh
hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle
that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added
things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much
meat.
They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get
cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had
food
in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme ... Peas
porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days
old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite
special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to
show
off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could bring home the bacon.
They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit
around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high
acid
content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead
poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the
next
400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt
bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top,
or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination
would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone
walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for
burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days
and
the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if
they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running
out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would
take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening
these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on
the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So
they
would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would
have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to
listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was
considered a dead ringer..

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! !
!

Educate someone. Share these facts with a friend

~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

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Wednesday's Trivia

1329

Robert the Bruce, who seized the Scottish throne in 1306, died of leprosy and was succeeded by David II.

1832

The Reform Act came into force in Britain redistributing parliamentary seats and expanding the electorate.

1864

Abraham Lincoln was nominated for another term as president at his party's convention in Baltimore.

1906

The famous Cunard passenger liner Lusitania was launched. In 1915, it was sunk by a German U-boat.

1942

The Battle of Midway came to an end, inflicting the first major naval defeat of the war on the Japanese.

1953

Ollie, Kukla, and Fran (Allison), with the Boston Pops Orchestra directed by Arthur Fiedler, were featured on the first network telecast in "compatible color." The program was broadcast from Boston, Massachusetts.

1965

Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home videotape recorder, today known as a VCR, which was originally intended to show homemade videos. It sold for $995, camera not included.

1969

Rock group, Blind Faith, made their British debut at a free concert in London’s Hyde Park. Over 100,000 fans attended what came to be called “the most remarkable gathering of young people ever seen in England.” Eric Clapton founded the group in 1968 with Ginger Baker and Jack Bruce.

1996

Kickboxer Jean-Claude Van Damme's fourth marriage was on the rocks - again. Wife Darcy LaPier filed for divorce in L.A. After two years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences. That followed a November 1994 divorce filing in which she complained about life with the action film star and asked to have a prenuptial agreement overturned. After reconciling, the couple had a son, Nicolas, who on this date turned 8 months old.

1998

In a crime that shocked the nation, James Byrd Jr., a 49-year-old black man, was chained to a pickup truck and dragged to his death in Jasper, Texas.



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Men in power always seem to get involved in sex
Scandals, but women don't even have a word for
"male bimbo."

Except maybe "Senator."

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A couple of redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He frantically blurts out to the operator, "Oh my gawd! Help! My friend just died! What can I do?" The operator, trying to calm him, says, "Take it easy. Listen to me and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gunshot. Th redneck comes back on the line and says "Ok, now what?



Definition of Stop

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy.
The lawyer thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he's sure
that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and
have some fun at the deputies expense.
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign "
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop,
that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the
ticket, if not, you let me go and don't give me a ticket."
Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating
the crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just
slow down?"

1 Comments:

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