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Monday, July 24, 2006

Morning With Maxine



+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
A Guy and girl meet at the bar and are instantly attracted to each
other. They Party all night, and at the end decide to go back to his
place to continue. Once there, they get passionate and start to make
out. When the time is right, the girl finds the bedroom, gets undressed
and gets under the covers, waiting for the guy who is now coming out of
the bathroom.

The guy walks in starts to undress and stops with just his shorts on. He
reaches into his pants pocket, pulls out a magic marker and hands it to
her.

She takes one look at it an says, "What's this for? Are you some kinda
pervert?"

He looks at her, drops his shorts and smiles kinda sexy.

She smiles, her eyes now wide open and staring in disbelief
at his johnson which hangs more that halfway to his knees.

He breaks her spell by saying, "Your gonna have to draw a line
somewhere, baby."
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
Three old men, Harry and Larry and Clarry have
been boyhood friends and done everything together
for 50 years.

Then Harry Dies. One year latter, Larry and Clarry
hire a clairvoyant to get in touch with Harry. After a
lot of crystal ball stuff, a voice comes through the void: "Hello boys."
Larry (or maybe it's Clarry) says "Is that you Harry?"

The voice says, "Yes it's me."

Then Clarry (or, now I come to think of it, Larry) says, "What's it like
for you now, old son?"

Harry says, "Oh, it's great. I wake up each morning,
have a nice swim, have a fuck, eat some breakfast,
then go to sleep. Then I wake up around lunchtime,
have another swim, have another fuck, have something
to eat, and then go to sleep again. . Then at night,
I wake up, have a very quick swim, have a really good
fuck, and have some dinner, then go to sleep again..
And the next morning the whole thing happens again -
same as the day before."

"Jeezes," says Larry (or Clarry), "Heaven sounds wonderful!"

"No, I'm not in heaven," says Harry. "I'm a duck in a public park!"
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+




+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Redheads

1)- How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?

2)- Why do redheads really like their hair color?

3)- Why didn't Indians scalp redheads?

4)- Why aren't most redheads flat-chested?

5)- How can you tell if redhead is lonely?

6)- Why are redheads considered evil?

7)- What is the most frustrated animal in the world?

8)- Why don't redheads wear training bras?

9)- Why did they quit selling redheaded Barbie dolls?

10)- What did the frustrated redhead say to her uninterested lover?

11)- What do redheads miss most about a great party?

12)- How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?

13)- How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?

ANSWERS:

1)- She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl.

2)- It does the same thing for the men it does for the bulls ... it
fires them up!

3)- They knew better.

4)- It makes reading the T-shirt more exciting.

5)- There are less than 5 men around her.

6)- Aren't ALL addictions considered bad for you?

7)- A man that's taken with a redhead, but is batting 'zero.'

8)- There's nothing 'in training' on a redhead.

9)- Ken kept having low self esteem issues.

10)- Nothing. 'Frustrated' and 'uninterested' don't appear in
a redhead's vocabulary.

11)- The lack of equality in male partners.

12)- She has scratched 'Stay off MY TURF!' on his back with
her claws ...er ... nails, that is.

13)- She unties you.
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
Paper

A 13 year-old old paperboy knocks on the door of one of his customers. A
beautiful 20 year-old woman answers the door in nothing but a
transparent nightie and asks him what she can do to help him. He tells
her that she owes him for four weeks' bill and that he needs the money.
She wanted to know how much she owes him and he figures that, at four
dollars a week for four weeks, she owes him 16 dollars. She told him
that she doesn't have the 16 bucks but she will take him to bed and
promise to make his teeth sweat. The kid figures, what the hell and
follows her into the house They go into the bedroom where she gets naked
and lies on the bed, touching herself provocatively. He drops his
paperbag from his shoulder and pulls his pants down, revealing an
11-inch member! He reaches into the bag and pulls out styrofoam spacers
and starts to slide them over his penis to make it shorter. The girl
says to him Oh, don't worry boy, I can take all of that He looks up at
her out of one eye and says ''Not for 16 dollars
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+





Not Fooling Anybody: Home
http://www.notfoolinganybody.com/
Awful Plastic Surgery
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/
Cooking By Numbers
http://www.cookingbynumbers.com/frames.html
Lyme Disease
http://www.idph.state.il.us/public/hb/hblyme.htm

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