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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Wednesday Again This Means White Trash



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A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?" He moved over and sat close to her. "Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He reached over and held her tight. "And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room. "Where are you going?" she asked. "Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth."
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Suspecting her husband of infidelity, a woman attempted to put an end to it by arousing his jealousy. "What would you say if I told you that I've been sleeping with your best friend?" she asked provocatively. "Well," he mused, "I'd say that you're a lesbian."
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Q. Know what the difference between in-laws and outlaws is?
A. Outlaws are wanted
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The Mexican doctor told the village nymphomaniac,
"Senorita, it looks to me like you've had Juan too many."
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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the
TV and don't move.

He'll talk to you. Guaranteed!!
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"I'd slap you silly, but I see somebody else beat me to
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"People thought my family was Catholic because we had so many kids. We were just a bunch of horny hillbillies." "We like to call our music 'Hick Hop.' It's P Dolly and the Back Woods Boys." "I love to dress up. I leave no rhinestone unturned." "We worried about 'Stairway to Heaven.' We were afraid it might sound like Stairwell to Hell." --Dolly Parton
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Jack hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "you don't look so great in blue either!"
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A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, "I'll have a waterloo, too." The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink, and the customer takes a big drink. "Hey," he says, "this shit isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water. Right, Lou?"
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"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though." --Elton John
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Q: How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A: Three--his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.




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Weird Fact :
Before air conditioning was invented, white cotton slipcovers were put on furniture to keep the air cool.
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An employment interviewer for a big company in New York was talking
to an attractive young woman applying for a job. Looking over the
application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not
answered one important question concerning transportation to and from
work. "What about your bus line?" the interviewer asked her. "I don't
believe I mentioned it," came the pleased reply, "but it's a 36C."
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Up ahead, at the edge of the badlands, the trail split three ways, so
Rex Savage, famous as the fastest gun west of Tucumcari, let his
tired pony shuffle through the dust while he grappled with his
options; would it be the West Trail, leading to California and Sue,
the only woman he had ever really loved, who had promised to be
waiting if he ever hung up his ivory?handled .44's, or the East
Trail, to his dream of a degree from Yale Law School, or perhaps the
North Trail, where his old Civil War buddy President Grant had
promised to appoint him Indian agent for the entire Dakota Territory;
"So which is it going to be," Rex pondered: "Sue, sue, or
Sioux?"
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One afternoon while doing some work in the
garden I noticed my dog dragging something under
the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized
it was the next door neighbors' daughter's rabbit.
For years I had watch her come home from school
and head straight out to its cage, free it and
play with it in the garden. I knew today would
be no different and fearing for our dog, I had
to think fast.

The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put
up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with
the hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew
it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its
grooming, I jumped the fence and replaced it
back in its cage hoping its death would be written
off as "natural causes". Within the hour, the
neighbor's car pulled in and out popped the little
girl, and as usual she headed straight for the
cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet
away and screamed
"DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at
the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am,
I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything
I could do.

Her father less than calmly blurted, "What
kind of sick individual would dig up a little
girl's dead rabbit and put it back in it's cage?"
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