Saturday, August 05, 2006

Hot Saturday Morning Giggles

I pledge alligiance to the flag of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands
-------------One Nation Under God---------------
Indivisible with liberty and justice for all

HTML Made Ready Easy
Table Tutorial Netscape
Simply Sally

Hard to Find 800 Numbers Via Dianne
Spiral Tunnels Via Dianne
USPS - The Official Change of Address Form
TV Sounds

Weird Fact :
Amish people do not believe in the use of aerosal air fresheners

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line
of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed
to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though,
were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every
so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss
a soul off to one side into a small pile.

After watching Satan do this several times the fellow's curiosity got
the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.
"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for
judgment, but I couldn't help wondering. Why are you tossing those
people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the

"Ah, those....." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Michigan.
They're still too cold and wet to burn."
Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little
Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my
grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."
The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class
how you spell that?"
After careful thought, Little Johnny said,
"Actually, we went to Ohio."
Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter
and her children were awed by the sight. The kids were especially
curious about the votive candles, so my daughter asked if they'd each
like to light one. She explained that is it customary to say a prayer of
petition or thanks, and she was careful to tell them that these are not
like birthday candles. "Do you have any questions?" she asked. "No,"
said the five-year-old, "but if there's a pony outside, it's mine."
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Wntng simlr prsns 4 nce cnvrsation,

Lng quiet wlks & pcful rlxation.

But you're sure to lose out on all of the action,

If you're not schooled at reading the gfy cntrctions.

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty
when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the
ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks
buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming
out of the channel.
The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was
abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer
under way.
The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised
when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio
message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal
congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise
according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however,
you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the
Captain is aboard before getting under way."
Charles, a Frenchman, was leaving his Parisian home for a few weeks and
confided in his friend, Pierre, "I always hate leaving my wife for so
long like this. When I'm away, I just don't know what she is doing.
There's always the doubt, always the doubt."

Pierre said, "Charles, I'll tell you what. Because we're such close
friends, I'll keep an eye on her every evening that you're gone."

"You would do that for me, Pierre?" Charles said, relieved. "Oh thank
you so very much. I know I really should trust my wife, but it's just
that there's always the doubt, always the doubt."

So Charles went off on his business trip and returned to Paris three
weeks later. The two men met again.

"Charles, I'm afraid I have bad news for you," Pierre said. "The very
first night you were gone, I watched this man go to your house. Your
wife opened the door naked and kissed and hugged him. He fondled her
breasts. He rubbed her crotch. Then they closed the door to go upstairs.
Never daunted, I climbed up the tree outside your house and watched them
in the bedroom."

"And so...?" inquired Charles.

"Well, first they took off all his clothes"

"What happened then?" asked Charles.

"Then," Pierre shook his head sorrowfully, "then they closed the
curtains. I could see nothing. I could learn nothing more."

Charles sighed a deep sigh. "So you see how it is, my friend? Always the
doubt, always the doubt."

Bambi (a blonde) goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of
x-ray glasses. She checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but the
store assistant comes along and closes the deal. On her way home, Bambi
puts on her new x-ray glasses and, bingo! She sees everyone in the
street naked. She takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their
clothes on. Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! "Cool!"

As she arrives back home, she is eager to show her new toy to her
husband, but can't find him. She goes up to the bedroom and finds her
husband and the young woman from next door naked in bed. She takes the
glasses off, and the two are still naked. She put them back on, and
they are still naked.

Bambi then says: "Darn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're
already broken!"
"Will I be the first to do this to you ?"
whispered the man after his bride-to-be finally
consented to sex.

"What a silly question..." giggled the girl, "I
don't even know what position you want to use


A delicate young man walked into an army recruiting
office. After answering numerous questions, he was
finally asked if he was a homosexual. The guy
admitted that he was.

"Gay, huh?" the brawny recruiter growled. "Do you
think you could kill a man?"

"My, yes," the man giggled, "but it would take days
and days."


My ideal measurements for a woman are...

80 ~ 20 ~ 102

80 years old

20 million in the bank

102 fever

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the
third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After
dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, sister, this
looks pretty grim."

I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive
more than a day or two."

I agree", says the Father, "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out
of here alive, would you do something for me?"

"Anything, Father." "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was
wondering if I might see yours."

"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."

The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely
breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister, would you mind
if I touched them? She consented and he fondled them for several

"Father, could I ask something of you?
"Yes, Sister?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"

"I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh
Father, may I touch it?"

This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he
was sporting a huge erection.

Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can
produce life." "Is that true father?" "Yes, it is, Sister."

"Oh Father that's wonderful, stick it in the camel and let's get the
hell out of here."


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