Google

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Tuesday's Mess


~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that
says...
"If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."

So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a
seven. What do I do?"

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

A group of scientists in Boston announced that they have successfully
grown human teeth in a laboratory for the very first time. This is great
news for dentists, and........even better news for guests on the Jerry
Springer Show.

The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to
accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday.

Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the
rear or a fool from any direction.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

An applicant for a job listed his last occupation as "US Army." He gave
his title as "Sergeant" and duties as "Operation Desert Storm." Under
"reason for leaving" he printed, "Won the war."
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+






+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were
both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached
for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey,
don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a cathouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My
wife doesn't know what the inside of a cathouse smells like."

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
for me to die so you can come and urinate on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm
never going to stand in line again!"Military Humor
~~#~~#~~#~~#~~~#~~~#
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a
"peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming,
"I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest
prize is a free lunch."
But the blonde keeps screaming,
"I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am,
I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly
have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!" The
blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" She hands
the ticket to the manager and he reads...

(You're gonna love this)

SCROLL DOWN!



" W I N A B A G E L "
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+



Military

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
"Yours is."

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Very
self-conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the
phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes,
General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your
message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,
he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your telephone."

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What
time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If you are an American
Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If you are an Air Force plane, it is
1500 hours. If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If you are an
Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the
3. If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120
minutes to "Happy Hour".

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "NO SIR!"

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?

A: He'll tell you.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?

A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home


Rate this post: (data provided from NewsGator Online)

This That and Frog Hair: Tuesday's Mess






Celebrating the Blogs of Summer


 



Word of the Day
Website content provided by The Free Dictionary

Article of the Day
Website content provided by The Free Dictionary

This day in history
Website content provided by The Free Dictionary

Today's birthday
Website content provided by The Free Dictionary

In the News
Website content provided by The Free Dictionary

Quotation of the Day
Website content provided by The Free Dictionary

Match Up
Match each word in the left column with its synonym on the right. When finished, click Answer to see the results. Good luck!

 
Website content provided by The Free Dictionary

Hangman
Website content provided by The Free Dictionary

Google
 
This That and Frog Hair: Tuesday's Mess
Enter your Email


Powered by FeedBlitz




Mesothelioma



Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign
Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign!